The Family Business
by Mischel
Summary: SPN s12 SPOILERS! My season 12 coda series. Destiel :)
1. 12x01 CODA - 1

**It's late and I wasn't sure if I would write a coda at all since everyone had already written their codas that seemed so much better (yes I've read most of them already), but I decided to write this after all because last year I made a coda series too, and I'm sure I'll write more codas for this season in the future :) And I promise to make a better cover picture once I have time, but right now it's like 1am or later idk and I'm tired XD Enjoy! ;)**

 **Warning: I'm not native speaker, sorry for grammar mistakes...**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

 **12X01 KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON - CODA  
Mary Wonders**

 **.**

Castiel glanced back at Dean to see if he was still on the phone, and then he took the coffee the lady handed him and returned to their table. Mary Winchester was sitting there, watching him carefully, still not very trusting. Mary Winchester. Who would have thought?

He sat down and gave her the coffee, putting the other one to the place where Dean would sit later. "This must be difficult for you." He started. "I remember my first moments on Earth. It was jarring."

"One word for it." Mary looked down at her coffee and took a sip. She was very curious about Castiel. When Dean entered the room, when they hugged... it was clear that Dean saw Castiel as family. "I grew up with hunters." She continued, looking around. "I've heard of people coming back from the dead before. But actually do it? After thirty years... a lot's changed... a lot."

Castiel nodded as he looked at the technology that was all around them. It must have been very confusing for Mary, being in this strange new world. He looked back at her, only to find her already staring at him.

"Can I ask you something?" She said suddenly, glancing behind him at Dean.

"Of course." Castiel nodded. "Whatever you need."

Mary smiled and thought about how to start with the question. "Dean told me about... me being a ghost, and about the God's sister bringing me back to life..." She began, being grateful that Cas was looking at her and listening intently. "But... I don't know anything about my sons' lives. I'm sure Dean will tell me, and Sammy will too, but I wanted to know... how did you meet them?" She looked up at him with her big curious eyes. "I didn't even know angels were real."

Castiel smiled at that. "It was about eight years ago." He told her, explaining in some way, why he and Dean seemed to be so close earlier in the bunker. "I'm not sure if Dean wants you to know this, but you would eventually find out." He hesitated a little. "Dean... died and... went to hell."

Mary gasped and put her coffee down, looking up at Castiel immediately. Cas didn't let her ask anything though and continued right away. "I don't think Dean will want to talk about this, not until we find Sam. I hope you understand."

Mary nodded with tears in her eyes and looked down. It was a big shock for her. She never wanted her kids to grow up like hunters, mostly because it was a dangerous life. But Sam and Dean seemed to already figure that out.

"So how did you meet him?" She repeated her question, not looking up at Castiel and instead checking if Dean was still in the parking lot.

"I saved him." Castiel told her. "I was given orders from Heaven to bring Dean back to life, and so I did. It took a lot of angels and a lot of time, but eventually, I found him." Cas looked down, not really looking at anything and thinking about the moment he put his palm on Dean's shoulder, claiming his soul. "I pulled him out of hell and repaired his soul and body, piece by piece until he was whole again."

Mary was looking up at him again, listening to the story. Castiel seemed so lost in it, as if living it again. Dean must have meant a lot to him. As the hug she witnessed already told her.

"And then?" She asked him to continue in a soft voice.

Cas looked up again and focused on her face, smiling sadly. "He didn't remember anything about me finding him in hell. He didn't know what brought him back to life, and he tried to summon me and capture me." He chuckled slightly. "I would think it was funny to watch him try and put every warding he could find on the walls of the barn where we first met. But... I didn't know what humor was back then. I didn't understand humans at all. Sometimes I still don't."

"I can see you understand them more than before." She told him.

"Yes, I think I do." He smiled fondly at her. "When he met me, the first thing he did was that he stabbed me in the chest." Mary's eyes widened a little. "I pulled the knife out and said _we need to talk_."

Mary chuckled a bit as Cas continued.

"And since then I stayed with Sam and Dean." He smiled and looked behind him to see Dean was already looking down at his phone, leaning against their car.

"Dean trusts you." Mary said suddenly, making Cas turn back to her. As she glanced at Dean, she continued. "I don't know what he's like now, but I could see that. He cares about you and he trusts you."

Castiel nodded. "And I do too." He smiled slightly, just as Dean was coming back to the table. He sat down and took the coffee Cas ordered for him and immediately started spilling out everything he found out during his phone call.

Mary smiled up at him and then at Castiel, thinking about their back story and wondering if there was more than what Cas told her. Then she leaned closer to pay better attention to what Dean was saying.

It was time to find her other son.

* * *

 **Well, I hope you liked it :) Goodnight!**


	2. 12x01 CODA - 2

**Everyone was writing about how Cas grabbed Dean's hand in the Impala or how they finally kissed after Mary fell asleep and even after reading all those codas and trying to make myself believe everything was already written and far better than what I could ever write, I just HAD TO WRITE THIS AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE I DO :D**

 **Enjoy ;) ;) ;)**

 **12X01 KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON - CODA 2  
I'll Make Sure You're Okay**

 **.**

Dean's hands were firmly clenched around the steering wheel and everyone in the impala was silent. The only sound Dean could hear was her sweet purr that he loved so much. It always helped to calm him down and forget about his problems, but Sammy was kidnapped and he could never forget about that, they had to get him back somehow.

Cas was sitting right next to him, and Mary was in the back, looking out of the window at the dark trees and occasional yellow lights from other lonely cars or gas stations. And Dean still couldn't believe it, still couldn't make himself believe that Mary, his _mother_ , was real and that she was there with them, safe. That was why he kept glancing at her, so often that he was sure Cas was only seconds away from taking over and driving his baby instead of him.

It wasn't only because he couldn't get his head around the fact that his _mom_ was alive, it was also because of what happened to her. She spent her life running away from this, and then when she suddenly gets pulled back in, it doesn't even last a day and she already has to kill someone. Dean was the one who should have killed the woman, certainly not his mom who hadn't killed anyone in such a long time. She didn't deserve this, she shouldn't even be here with them, maybe she should have stayed at the bunker...

But this was about Sammy, an important member of their little family and they needed help from everyone, including their mother.

Dean looked back on the road and instead of looking at Mary, he looked at Cas. The angel looked sad and angry at once. His jaw was set and his hand was clenched into a fist, resting on his thigh. Dean glanced down and then back up at Cas' hard face, willing Cas to look at him. And Cas did.

"Hey," Dean said, just like he did when they hugged. Worriedly and softly but still loud enough for Cas to hear him. "You alright?"

"Yes, Dean." Cas answered and without staring into his eyes for a suspiciously long time, he turned back to stare out of the window. Huh. Dean was 100% sure that was a lie. It was the way the Winchesters lied all the time, well, except for Mary - she was honest about not being okay. She could teach them a thing or two. First thing – accept that you're not okay and talk about it with your family. Sammy should learn that, and he should too. And it seemed Cas would also need a little lesson on that because Dean knew he wasn't okay and he was definitely going to do something about it. He would have to talk to him once they were alone.

About an hour later and after two hours of refusing Cas' offer to drive, Dean pulled up in front of a motel. Mary was asleep and Dean didn't want his mother's first sleep to be on the backseat. She deserved a real bed.

While Castiel stayed in the car to keep an eye on her, Dean checked them in and got them two rooms. One for his mom, and one for him and Cas. He opened the door and gently shook Mary's shoulder until she woke up. The first moment she laid her eyes on him, it seemed as if she had forgotten that this wasn't a dream and that she was indeed alive again. Then she blinked and smiled at him, finally getting out of the car.

After Dean led her to her room and gave her the keys, she hugged him tight and kissed his cheek. He was not used to that, and he knew he was a stranger in her eyes, but he was very grateful for the gesture.

"Goodnight, mom." He smiled at her.

"Goodnight, sweetie." She smiled in return and then closed the door. When Dean was alone again, he turned around and wasn't even surprised to find Cas already standing there.

"We should get to our room, come on." Dean told him and Cas only nodded. Their room was right next to Mary's motel room, so in case anything happened during the night (or better to say... the _rest_ of the night), they could be right there and help each other.

Dean took the keys from Cas' hand and opened the door, switching on the lights. The room wasn't one of the best, but there was a bathroom and a bed and Dean didn't really need anything else. Before he'd crash into the bed and let the sleep take over, he needed to do one thing though.

He turned around and found Castiel sitting on a chair near the bed. He looked exhausted and somehow... still angry.

"Hey, Cas." Dean started as he sat down on the corner of the bed, right in front of his angel. "I think we need to talk."

Cas straightened up, but didn't look into his eyes. "Whatever you need, of course, Dean." He said. It sounded so emotionless and ashamed all at once. It hurt Dean to hear that.

"You've seemed a little... angry lately." Dean started. He knew it wasn't the best start, but it was the main issue he wanted to address in this conversation. When Cas shifted in his seat and refused to look up at him, Dean narrowed his eyes. "You know that... this wasn't your fault, right? I know Sam's gone, but you did nothing wrong."

When Cas looked up at him, he had tears in eyes. "How can you say that?" He asked and Dean was slightly taken aback by the sudden emotional outburst. "I _failed_ you. Again." Cas looked down again and Dean sighed. "I'm sorry." He added in a defeated voice.

Dean stood up and walked over to Cas so he could be closer to him as he looked down. "Cas, that bitch blasted you away before you could even do something, I saw the sigil on the wall."

"I should have known, I should have _noticed_." Cas gritted through his teeth, closing his eyes and looking down.

Dean sighed and knelt down in front of his friend. "Cas, look at me." And Cas raised his head, staring at him with tears in eyes. Another thing that he learned from humans - angels never cried, but Cas did. "I don't blame you for this." Dean told him, staring up at him. "Sam is a Winchester, who could even take care of him? No one can take care of us, we always get into trouble."

"But I promised you and only hours after that Sam was already gone." Cas told him slowly, trying to get his breathing under control. Dean frowned as he was watching him. Cas cheeks were flushed and his eyes were red-rimmed, staring at him as if he was a miracle.

"This isn't only about Sam being gone, is it?" Dean asked, getting straight to the point. Castiel stayed silent as he was watching him and then his eyes dropped and he took a shaky breath. Dean already knew what this was all about even before Cas started talking.

"I... I thought you were _dead."_

And Dean couldn't take it any longer. He stood up and touched Cas' shoulder gently, just like Cas always touched his. "Come here," he mumbled and in the next moment, his arms were full of the angel, clinging to him far more desperately than when Mary was watching them in the bunker. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, squeezing the fabric of his shirt on his back and listening to his heartbeat, and Dean couldn't help but smile and close his eyes when he hugged Cas back.

"It's alright, I'm alive." Dean told him, tightening the hug because he knew Cas needed it and to be fair, he needed it just as much. It has been a long time since anyone hugged him so intensely like that.

"Dean." Cas breathed out, hiding his face in Dean's strong shoulder.

And they stayed like that for far longer that Dean thought he was comfortable with, but to be honest he never minded having Cas so close to him. He almost wanted them to stay like that the whole night. But he needed his sleep so they could continue on their way to Missouri in the morning, so he patted Cas' back to signalize they should pull away again.

Cas sighed when he felt it and pulled away, just like Dean expected. Dean took him by his shoulders though and kept him close, looking into his blue eyes. "You okay?" He asked.

And after a while, Cas nodded. "I will be." He answered honestly and smiled at Dean, hesitating for a second while looking down at his lips and although Dean noticed that, before he was sure he wanted to just lean in and let it happen, Cas was already stepping away and looking at the ground again.

"You should get some sleep." He looked up, leaving Dean still slightly leaned forward.

"Yeah." He nodded and straightened up, walking over to the bed and only kicking off his shoes before he slid under the covers. When he looked up and saw Cas just standing there, not really knowing what to do, he regretted he didn't lean forward a few moments ago. So he patted the empty space next to him and smiled up at Cas. "Stay with me?"

The bright smile that spread across Cas' face was the only answer Dean needed. Cas took off his trench coat and his tie, leaving them on the chair and laid down right next to Dean who'd already pulled away the covers so he could cover them again.

Cas snapped his fingers to switch off the light and was slightly surprised when he felt Dean's body shifting closer to him. He hesitantly raised his hand, as if afraid he would be rejected if he attempted to touch Dean like that, but instead he heard, "just do it Cas," followed by a soft little laugh.

And so he did. He wrapped his arm around Dean's stomach under the covers and pressed his body to Dean's back, relaxing on the bed and closing his eyes, finally feeling better after the difficult last few days and after Lucifer.

"Goodnight, Dean." Cas whispered.

"Night, Cas."

* * *

 **Sorry for any grammar mistakes, I'm not native speaker... well, I hope you liked it! ;)**


	3. 12x02 CODA

**Two missing scenes from the episode, between the one where they leave the farm and the one where they're all suddenly back in the bunker... without Castiel. I tried to fix this :)**

 **12X02 MAMMA MIA - CODA  
Our Little Family**

 **.**

They were allowed to leave the farm after that Mick guy sort of saved the situation. His offer to be friends though? Not a good idea. On their way to the car, Sam kept staring at Mary as if she was about to explode. She noticed it, Dean noticed it, and even Cas noticed it, but no one said anything because _this_ was their _mom._ Sam must have been pretty shocked to see her there, and after they'd make it back to the bunker, he would get his moment with her just like he deserved.

Dean closed the door as he sat down behind the steering wheel, watching who was the next to enter his Baby. Sam was hesitant at first, but after Mary decided for the backseat this time, he slid right next to Dean like usual, riding shotgun. Dean smiled and looked out, expecting one other person to appear so their little family could be complete.

That person was nowhere to be seen though.

Dean frowned and looked over Sam out of the car through the window. He could see the truck and a bit of the familiar trench coat hiding behind it. "Give me a sec," he mumbled without tearing his eyes away from Cas, and opening the door.

He got out of his Baby and walked over to the other side of the truck that Cas used to drive there. He had no doubt that Cas wasn't the owner, but he found him just getting back into the car anyway.

"Hey, Cas." He started, not really knowing how to start the conversation. All he knew was that Cas was family and he wanted all of them to go _home_.

Castiel paused, clearly surprised to see Dean. He closed the door again and walked over to him. "Dean," he started, glancing at the impala behind the truck with hay. "I thought you're returning to the bunker."

"We are," Dean confirmed with a slight frown on his face. "I just... I thought you'd be coming with us." He finally got out what he wanted to say and awaited Cas' reaction. Ever since he kicked Cas out of the bunker when Gadreel was in Sam (something he would never forgive himself for), Cas seemed to think the bunker wasn't his real home. But he couldn't be further from the truth.

"Well, it's your home." Cas frowned. "I assume you want to be with your mother."

"Well, yeah, but that place is big enough for all of us." Dean argued. "It's your home too. You can stay of course... if you want." He glanced back at Mary and Sam awkwardly sitting in the car in silence, waiting for him.

Castiel looked at the truck behind him and sighed. "I guess I can drive behind you then." He said. It seemed to Dean as if Cas didn't want to go to the bunker with them. And he couldn't figure out why. He already told him he was family, why did he think they didn't want him in the bunker?

"Cas," he sighed. Why didn't Cas want to stay? Why did he always have to leave? "You don't want to... Why would..." Dean couldn't even finish his question properly. The mere thought of Cas not wanting to be there with them... with _him_ , was breaking his heart.

Thankfully, Castiel seemed to understand what he wanted to say. "Dean, it's your mother." He told him. "You are all Winchesters, you're... you're a family and I don't fit in with you. I'm an angel."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Cas, you _are_ a part of our family." He told him. "And mom being back? That doesn't change the fact that you'll always have a place with us." Dean looked up into Cas' blue eyes that were still full of doubt and he smiled at him. "I've set up a room for you. Both me and Sam have, a long time ago." He confessed. "But you just never seemed to stay long enough to actually use it, and I thought that this time... maybe... you could."

Castiel smiled at that. "If you want me to, I will."

"I...uh... mom should see that you're a part of our family too." Dean added. Then he looked at the stolen truck and frowned in slight disgust. "Hey, and get rid of that thing. It's hideous." Before Cas could answer, Dean continued. "It's stolen, right? Well, I'm sure they can track it. Hey, maybe you could ride with us." He smiled as he turned to Cas again.

"What about your mother?" Cas asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure if Mary was comfortable with him around, she seemed a bit wary of him.

Dean rolled his eyes. "She'll be fine, don't worry." He smiled as he put his arm around Cas' shoulders and together they rounded the truck, walking back to the impala. "Now come on, I can't wait to see your face when you finally see your room."

Cas smiled at that. "Thank you, Dean."

"Hey, no need to thank me, buddy." He said as he turned to Cas one last time before letting go of him and opening the door. "You're family, and that's what family does for each other."

With that, he sat back behind the steering wheel and closed the door, happy to see Cas sitting on the backseat right next to Mary.

"Finally, the all of us." Sam smiled when he saw Cas was in the car with them, and Dean was very glad to hear that from his brother. Both Mary and Cas should see that they're both part of this family. No matter what.

"Alright, let's go home." Dean started the car and they left the farm. He just hoped this wouldn't be one of those awkward silent rides, in which case, he'd put on some music. And if Cas and Mary started exchanging any embarrassing facts about him and Sam, well... he would have to play the music louder.

xoXÖXox

In the meantime, Sam and Mary were in the impala, waiting for Dean to come back. And as Mary realized, they were waiting for Castiel too. If the hug she witnessed between her oldest son and the angel was any indication, she knew they were close.

She was looking out of the window, watching Dean. It was clear he was talking to Castiel who was hidden behind the truck, and from what she could read on Dean's face, the conversation seemed quite serious. When it finally seemed they were coming back, she noticed Dean's arm was thrown over Castiel's shoulders and they were walking side by side, back to their car.

"Dean and Castiel seem to be good friends." She said, knowing only Sam could hear her. She didn't expect the soft chuckle and a nod from him.

"Oh, you have no idea." He smiled, looking at her through the mirror in front of him. "He doesn't want to admit it though, no matter how many times I've tried, and once we get back home I'm sure you'll understand."

Mary was very confused by that. "What should I understand?" She asked, but the only answer she got was Dean already opening the door.

"You're family, and that's what family does for each other." He said as he got inside the car and Cas opened the door next to her, smiling a bit awkwardly before she shifted to the other side of the car to make more room for Castiel.

"Finally, the all of us." Sam smiled and in that moment, Mary understood. Castiel wasn't just a friend, he was _family._ He was the only one who was there for her boys when she wasn't, and for that she was glad. At least her boys weren't alone in this strange world full of the internet and monsters.

"Alright, let's go home." Dean smiled at them in the mirror and started the car.

After a while, Mary turned to Castiel curiously. "So... tell me something I don't know about my boys." She asked and smirked when she heard both Dean and Sam groan. Castiel smiled at her and began talking.

No doubt their ride back home would be full of interesting facts about Sam and Dean. (Mostly about Dean though.)

* * *

 **I hope you liked it! ;)**


	4. 12x03 CODA - 1

**Well I just woke up after watching the episode online at 3am and I wrote this... please like it :D (Prepare for more Destiel!)**

 **12X03 THE FOUNDRY - CODA  
The Right Thing to Do**

 **.**

"I love you both," she told them, took John's journal and put it into her duffle bag and left. That was it. No more breakfasts together, no more family hunting trip. At least for a while. She needed time to adjust to the future, and being around her two grown sons, who were practically strangers to her, wasn't really helping.

She closed the door to the bunker, and bumped into Castiel. "Castiel," she smiled at him. The smile didn't reach her eyes though and he noticed.

"Mary?" He narrowed his eyes and looked at the bag in her hands. "Where are you going?"

Mary sighed and looked down, closing her eyes. "I'm leaving," she told him as she looked up again. She couldn't stop the tears in her eyes, but she tried her best to not let them fall. "You were right. I don't fit in there, it's not my home."

"I didn't say that," Cas cocked his head to one side. "But I... I understand." He added.

"Thank you," she smiled again and took a step closer, hesitating before she put her free hand around Castiel's shoulders and squeezed gently. Cas patted Mary's back, just like Dean always did and smiled when she pulled away.

"Will you come back?" He asked. He knew Sam and Dean would be devastated once he returned to the bunker.

"I will, I just... I need more time." She sighed. Castiel nodded and she brushed away her tears with her thumb, nodding as well. "Goodbye," she said and finally continued walking away. Away from the bunker, their sons' home and their friend, away from the hunting life. Away from her _sons_. Her _family._

"Castiel?" She turned around one last time and was glad to find him still standing before the door. He turned around to look at her.

"Yes?"

"Can I... borrow your truck?" She asked. "I'll leave it in the nearest town, uh... by the first motel, in the parking lot."

"Of course," he nodded. "I'll find it there."

"Thank you," she thanked him for the second time, and without looking back again, she opened the door and got into the car. Then she drove away, trying to stop the tears and remember that she still had more than half of her husband's journal to go through, and according to what she's read so far, she couldn't read it with her boys in the next room.

Castiel watched as the truck disappeared in the distance, and then he turned to the door, finally opening it. He feared what he would find inside. Sam didn't get as much time as Dean did to bond with his mother, but he never really knew her.

Dean on the other hand, had just gotten his mother back after years and years of having only faded photos and memories. Castiel found him in the kitchen the day before, late in the night. He wasn't drunk, but he had drunk more then he usually did and Castiel knew right from the first second that something was wrong.

Dean refused to talk about it, but from the look on his face and the photos in his hand, Castiel didn't even have to guess. Mary was different from the memory Dean cherished for so many years. She was her own person, with favorite things and things she didn't like, with opinions and skills, and she didn't cook.

Castiel sighed as he closed the door behind him and slowly went down the stairs.

He could see Sam, just standing there in silence with his head down and shoulders slumped. He turned around and looked at Castiel, and his face was so sad that Cas feared what state Dean would be in once he approached him. But Sam didn't care about himself in this moment, he just faked a smile for Cas and looked at Dean, then back at Cas and nodded, leaving the room without another word.

And Cas didn't know if he was glad for that, but he knew Dean would be there for Sam later. Cas was never good at comforting two Winchesters at once, he and Dean had a more profound bond after all. Castiel would be there for Dean, and then if it was needed, he would be there for Sam too.

But now it was only Castiel and Dean in the room.

Cas slowly approached the older Winchester, taking in how he looked like. His eyes were closed and his lips were tightly pressed together and he was supporting himself with one hand on the table. He frowned in pain and Castiel knew what was coming.

"Dean," he said his name, coming closer, and suddenly Dean opened his eyes and took a deep breath and looked up at him, erasing every apparent sign of his weakness. But Castiel knew Dean, and he knew what he was feeling right now. "Dean," he said again, softly, and finally closed the distance between them. He didn't embrace him though, he wasn't sure if that was what Dean wanted.

But then Dean's eyes sparkled with tears and a silent sob escaped him. "Cas," he whispered brokenly and Castiel didn't hesitate to throw his arms around Dean this time. He held him tightly, letting him burrow his head in his shoulder and close his eyes.

"She left us again, Cas." Dean told him. "Why does everyone I love leave me?"

"That is not true, Dean." Castiel tried, well aware of the fact that he left Dean to hunt Lucifer alone and that he didn't even call them when he was sure it was him.

"You left," Dean said. "Mom left, everyone leaves. I'm not good enough for any of you, Cas. You shouldn't even be here, doing this, I don't deserve it." Dean mumbled into his shoulder and Castiel tensed, squeezing Dean more tightly.

"Dean, you deserve everything in the world." He pulled him away, still holding his shoulders, and looked into his teary green eyes. "You _are_ enough, and so is Sam. And your mother will come back, she just needs time to adjust and to stop thinking about the past." He explained.

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. A tear slipped away and rolled down his cheek, but Cas caught it with his thumb. Dean looked up at him when he felt his touch on his face and slowly and hesitantly leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Castiel's, closing his eyes again. Cas closed his eyes as well and took a deep breath, letting his hands fall from Dean's shoulders to his elbows and then to his hands, unsure if he should do anything more. But then he felt Dean entwining their fingers and something told him that this was how it should be.

This was the right thing to do.

A few minutes later, Dean and Cas would pull away and walk back into their rooms. Dean would knock on Sam's door and be there for his younger brother, while Castiel would go back to the kitchen to make them something to eat. Preferably a pie.

And then Sam would find a case and they would all go on a family hunting trip, trying to forget about Mary leaving and instead trying to focus on their job. They would then return to the bunker and repeat everything until eventually, Dean would collapse in his room and Cas would be there, waiting for him.

But until then, their fingers were still touching and they were still standing there, slowly breathing together and keeping their eyes closed.

Until then, they were there for each other. And that was the right thing to do.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it and sorry for any mistakes or typos, I didn't have much time to proofread it bc *sighs* housework.**


	5. 12x03 CODA - 2

**So I noticed it was Dean's phone Mary had when she went back to the house. And this is a coda fanfic about what she finds in Dean's phone before she leaves the motel room. Implied Destiel, but she doesn't figure it out, she just stumbles upon a few photos of Cas in Dean's phone and wonders how close they really are. Well, I hope you'll like it :)**

 **12X03 THE FOUNDRY - CODA 2**  
 **Of Cellphones and Family**

* * *

She sat down on the bed again, closing her eyes and holding her son's _phone_ in her hand. She couldn't believe how much has changed over the last three decades, and although both Sam and Dean promised to teach her everything, she wasn't sure she could take it any longer.

They were her sons, her family, but at the same time... they were _strangers_. She could see her 4-year-old Dean in the man in front of her, but Sammy... he was like a complete different person. She knew he was her son, she noticed a few things they shared. She shared different things with Dean, she noticed that too. Like the love for bacon.

But every moment she spent with them reminded her of how much she'd missed. Like Sammy's first fallen out teeth, Dean's first crush, problems at school or any other thing a mother should be there for. She should have been there. She should have never made a deal with Yellow Eyes, but... what could she have done when John was lying next to her, dead?

Mary sighed and looked at the phone Dean gave her. He taught her how to use it... sort of. She turned the screen on and swiped her finger across it, unlocking it. There was a photo on the background, with Dean, Sam and Castiel and an old man in a wheelchair, all standing in an old cabin. She read about him in John's diary, that was Bobby.

A little smile appeared on Mary's face.

This was her sons' family. They never thought she could come back and be a part of that family. But could she ever fit? Could she just ignore the mourning she felt for her two little boys? For her husband?

She let her finger slightly brush against Sam's chest, smiling down at the photo, but then the photo suddenly disappeared and she realized the phone was showing her Dean's contact list. She could see Sam, Castiel, Bobby, John, someone called Ellen H. and Jo H., and some friend Garth. When she swiped her finger up, the list scrolled down and showed her three more names – Jody Mills, Benny and Crowley, the king of Hell.

Mary raised her eyebrow, looking suspiciously at the number – 666. Her son was friends with the king of Hell? She shook her head and put the phone down, shutting off the screen. She didn't know how to get back to the photo she saw anyway.

Instead of Dean's phone, she took the older-looking phone from the motel room they were in and tried to call the mother of the little boy who grabbed her arm. She wanted to focus on the case again, she needed to stop thinking about all the years she wasn't there for her children.

After she found out the name of the boy – Lucas, she decided to go back to the house and try to find out more from him. She took Dean's phone from the bed and stopped before putting it into her pocket. She looked down at it and unlocked it again.

And there it was. The photo of her boys, Castiel and Bobby. She wondered where Bobby was now. Castiel was living with Sam and Dean in the bunker, she found out when he stayed with them over the whole week. And she was glad her sons have found a friend in the hunting life, even though he was an angel.

She always used to say that angels were looking after them. Now she knew she wasn't wrong.

Mary looked at a little blue square that covered a bit of Bobby's wheelchair and read _gallery._ She hesitantly touched it and the screen immediately abandoned the photo and took her to the gallery with many more photos.

She sat down back on the bed and touched one of them. There was Castiel, smiling down at the camera with a smile she hasn't seen on him yet. It was bright and genuine, _happy._ She didn't know how to move to another photo, but she was determined to try it, so she started touching the screen and swiping her finger across it until the picture changed to another, leaving her with a satisfied smile on her face.

It was a picture of someone's dead body without a heart. Dean probably used this to show Sam that it was a werewolf they were hunting. She repeated the movement with her fingers and found several more pictures of blood and bodies, fangs and sigils. But she knew there had to be another photo of Sam or Bobby somewhere, so she kept going through the bloody photos until she found one she finally liked.

There was Sam, almost ten years younger thank now it seemed, sleeping in the car with a... was that a plastic spoon in his mouth? Mary covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a laugh. Dean must have taken that photo, a very long time ago.

She found more photos of Sam and bloody pieces of bodies and a couple more pictures of Castiel, some of which seemed to be taken without the angel knowing. Mary wondered how close he was to her sons. Whether Cas also had a _cellphone_ with pictures of Sam and Dean.

She wondered whether in time, there would be new pictures of her with her sons and Castiel.

With that thought in her mind, she turned the phone off and put it into her pocket, finally leaving the motel room with the weapons bag over her shoulder and a flashlight in another.

She knew she was burying herself in hunting to avoid dealing, but what else could she do? Her sons were now older than her, and that was not normal. Her husband was dead, and she couldn't just stop thinking about it.

And besides, Lucas needed her help.

* * *

 **I hope you liked it! ;) Please let me know what you think, thanks :)**


	6. 12x05 CODA

**A short Destiel coda for the last episode of Supernatural, enjoy! ;)**

 **12X05 THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR - CODA  
I Killed Hitler**

* * *

Once he stopped the impala at the gas station and filled his baby with the fuel, he fished out his cellphone and opened up the conversation with his mom. Sam was paying the cashier for the fuel, and then he went to find the bathroom, so Dean had some time for himself.

He was frowning as he kept rereading the message he had sent and the two other messages his mom had sent him a few days ago. He knew she needed space, he understood that, but he just couldn't let it go. He opened the keyboard and took a deep breath, thinking of what to tell her.

Should he say hi? Should he ask how she was doing or where she was? Should he even text her at all?

In the end he decided to leave her alone so she could adapt to the future, and instead, he called Cas. Oh, how he missed that guy. It's been almost two weeks since he last saw him, and more than twenty-four hours since he last heard his voice. That was way too long.

"Hello Dean," the angel answered, making Dean smile instantly.

But instead of his usual _Hey Cas,_ Dean smirked and answered, "I killed Hitler."

There was silence for a few seconds, until Castiel replied. "You did what?"

"I killed Hitler," Dean smiled smugly and nodded, as if Cas could actually see him. "I killed him, about four hours ago." He added. "It was awesome."

"Adolf Hitler committed suicide together with his wife on April 30th, 1945." Castiel answered and Dean could almost hear the confusion in his voice. He rolled his eyes slightly and smiled because no matter what he did, confused Cas was always cute.

"Not really." He said. "It turned out his soul was captured in an old pocket watch, and then Hitler kind of possessed some guy and well, I shot him." He smiled again. "Come on Cas, that _is_ awesome. I practically saved the world!"

"I'm sure everyone will thank you." Cas said and Dean had to roll his eyes again. Was it him who taught Cas how to use sarcasm or was it Crowley? Or was Cas just always like that?

"Anyway, how's the hunt for Lucifer going? Found anything?" He asked, changing the subject and trying not to think about how much time Crowley gets to spend with Castiel while he's stuck in the bunker without him.

"Unfortunately, no." Cas sighed and Dean winced as he heard someone open the car door. He turned around and saw Sam, getting into the car and nodding at him. "We did find someone who might be able to help though. He's a psychic."

"We just had a case with a psychic two days ago," Dean said. "And I'll tell you all about it when I call you tonight," he added and closed his eyes in regret. "Listen, I need to go. We're both tired, Sam and me, and if I don't get to the bunker in the next three hours, I'll just pull over and we'll sleep inside the car."

"I understand." Castiel said. "I'll tell you more about the psychic when you call me." He added and Dean could hear the smile in his voice, which made Dean smile too as he was already opening the door to get into the car.

"Alright, bye."

"Bye, Dean." Cas told him and Dean ended the call, smiling at his phone as he put it into his pocket and grabbed the steering wheel. He paused though and looked at Sam. He could almost feel Sam's eyes on him as his little brother was smirking at him.

"Who was it?" Sam asked.

"Cas," Dean answered, already regretting he gave Sammy the answer. Because just as Dean expected, Sam smirked and raised his eyebrows, still looking at him as if he knew something he definitely shouldn't. Dean rolled his eyes as he glanced at him, his cheeks suddenly flushed a tiny bit. "Shut up."

And then he started the car and drove away, hopefully getting into the bunker in the next three hours so he could get some sleep and then call Cas again.


	7. 12x09 CODA

**Sorry for not writing anything for so long. Chapter 18 of "Destinies Are Troublesome Things" is already finished and it's got about 7.4K words, I just haven't had the time or strength to go through it and proofread it. I will though, right after I post this, I'll open the document and finally start. I hope it won't take too long for me to post it, so be ready this week.**

 **I also want to write something for Sherlock again, but I haven't decided what yet because there's so many plotholes to be filled... and usually I'm too busy reading metas on tumblr and tinfoilhatting and waiting for tonight...**

 **Anyway, enjoy :)**

 **SPN 12X09 FIRST BLOOD - CODA**  
 **All Mary's Boys**

* * *

Castiel doesn't know how long he's been sitting in the library. All he knows is that he doesn't know how to find Sam and Dean and that nothing he's found in the library helped so far. He couldn't even find the vampires in Missouri. He is even more useless than when Sam and Dean are around. And he hates it. He hates every second.

6 weeks, 2 days and 12 hours.

It feels like an eternity.

And then suddenly his phone rings. His eyes widen and he looks down, only to find out that it's a new voicemail. From an unknown number. Meaning, it's _not_ Dean. He unlocks the screen and plays it, half expecting it to be Crowley changing his mind and deciding to help him after all, or Mary telling him she has news and knows where her boys are.

It's Mary.

"Castiel, it's me." Cas sighs and clasps his hands together, listening to her voice. "I'm just calling to... You don't have to worry about that thing in Missouri. I'm handling it."

The message ends and Castiel hides his face in his palms. Nothing is happening. Nothing is changing. It's all the same. He's still sitting in the library and he still doesn't know how to find Sam and Dean and the time doesn't stop.

6 weeks, 2 days, 12 hours and 26 minutes.

He can feel every second, and it's killing him.

So he stands up, and does the thing he kept doing every day for the past few weeks, every time he felt miserable or useless, even when he knew Dean probably wouldn't like it. But at this point, Cas doesn't even care. He needs to feel him, and so he walks through the halls of the bunker and stops in front of Dean's door. He opens it and walks inside, taking a deep breath as he takes a look around. He can almost hear Dean's voice from all of his memories of this place. But it's all in his head and it's going to stay there until they find them.

They _need_ to find them.

He watches the ceiling, counting every second, as he's lying in Dean's bed. This is something he's sure he's never done before. Lay in Dean's bed. It's comfortable and warm undernearth his body and he can smell Dean everywhere around him. It's as if he was there with him – something Cas wishes would happen.

But even after he closes his eyes and opens them again, Daen isn't there with him and the room is empty. And the time goes by.

6 weeks, 2 days, 12 hours and 43 minutes.

He almost doesn't remember the last time he was so long without them. And Dean hasn't even prayed to him yet. Castiel does his best to try to _not_ take it as a sign that Dean's dead. He can't be dead. If he was, Castiel wouldn't have a reason to live anymore.

And then his phone rings again.

Castiel keeps his eyes closed and sighs. And then he realizes – this time it's not a voicemail notification. He can hear the phone and it's still ringing, vibrating against the table. Cas is out of Dean's bed in seconds, running back to the librarty where he's left the phone – such a stupid mistake. He should have taken it there with him.

When he finally reaches it, he's almost afraid it would stop ringing the moment he puts the phone to his ear. He doesn't even look at the number that's calling, he just accepts the phonecall and puts it to his ear and stops breathing and listens.

And then he realizes – what if it's only Mary again? What if she just wants to tell him about the case in Missouri? Tell him that she's successfully found the vampire responsible and killed him or them, proving that Castiel is useless even to her – the last Winchester he has left.

"What?" Castiel answers, angry at himself that he got his hopes up.

But then he hears him. The most beautiful voice his father had ever created, the voice of the Righteous man, the freckled human he fell in love with – Dean Winchester. And it feels so good to hear him again.

"Cas?"

"Dean?" Castiel's eyes get wide and he swallows.

"Hey, buddy. Long time." He can almost hear the hint of a smile in Dean's voice.

"What- what happened? Where... where are you?" He's desperate. He needs to know the answer, he needs to know he can save them, wherever they are and whoever took them away from him.

"You wouldn't belive me, and I have no clue, uh-"

"Got something." Castiel hears Sam in the distance. "Alright, looks like that's Elk Mountain, which makes _that_ Longs Peak."

"Okay, looks like we're in Colorado." Dean tells him. But Colorado is a big state. How can Castiel find them there alone? He needs to call Mary.

"In Rocky Mountain National Park." Sam says. "Uh, if we head north, we should hit State Route 34. Eventually."

"Did you get that?" Dean asks him.

"Yes."

"Alright, meet us there."

"Wait, where?" Castiel asks, frowning.

"Just drive along the road and you'll see us." Dean tell him. He probably doesn't have a lot of time and this is the best plan they can come up with. In that case, Castiel knows he will do his best to find them and help them. "And Cas, the sooner the better. We're kinda on the clock here." Dean adds, confirming Castiel's worries. But wait... does that mean someone is after them?

"Wait, what does that-" But Castiel doesn't have time to finish his question. Dean ended the call and yet again, Castiel is alone in the library. But at least, this time he has something to do. He knows he can help them, and for that he'll need the last Winchester he has.

He quickly dials Mary's number and puts the phone back to his ear, waiting for her to pick up.

6 weeks, 2 days, 12 hours and 50 minutes. Soon he'll be with them again and every second won't feel like an eternity. Soon, he'll have Sam and Dean back and he will finally be able to forget about how long he hasn't seen them.

Because they're alive.

xoXÖXox

Once they leave the soldiers and their leaders at the cabin, it's back to the same – running. They won't follow them, but they might be stupid enough to call for backup and then they'd have another problem to take care of. Which is why they walk, and sometimes run. But since they've already been running almost the whole day without food, they're exhausted.

And perhaps being dead for an hour has also something to do with that.

But then it happens. They're running through the bushes and honestly, Dean's almost had enough, when suddenly a familiar voice calls his name.

"Sam! Dean!"

Dean looks up and immediately stops running. "Cas!" He says and wants to go give his best friend a hug, but Sam is faster and after saying Cas' name again, he's already putting his giant arms around him. Castiel's eyes never leave Dean though and for a moment Dean can't even believe he's seeing his face again. His beautiful and so, so sad face with tears in eyes. The look that says so many things – how much he missed them, how much he's happy to see them again and just how much they mean to him.

And then Sam notices their mom and runs to her accepting arms, while Dean lowers his gaze and walks over to Castiel, putting his arm on his shoulder and saying, "hey, buddy." Cas wraps his arms around Dean, taking a deep breath with his cheek pressed against Dean's neck and Dean squeezes back, looking at his mom with Sam. It's barely enough to show him how happy he is and how much he wants to hold him in his arms forever, but since his mom is right over there, he'll have to make do with this.

He's so happy again. But there's still something he hasn't told Cas and nor his mom and that's what keeps him back. He goes to hug his mother and closes his eyes, suddenly becoming aware that this is the last hug he'll ever get from her, and from Cas.

Because at the end of the day, he is the Winchester that has to go.

After they meet the British Men of Letter, Dean isn't very happy, and even though he doesn't want to, his mind stays focused on something else. It's only a few minutes to midnight – his last moments of being alive and he's lucky to be sitting next to Castiel in the backseat. That's why he looks down at Cas' hand that is just... _resting_ there between them, almost begging him to be touched.

He doesn't do anything though. Not now. He can't give Cas something and then take it away a few minutes later. Or is just a few minutes better than _never_? Dean closes his eyes for a few seconds and then looks at his mom.

Soon it'll be time to say goodbye. Mary glances back at both him and Castiel and then continues driving her car. "So wait, you're hunting?" He asks, not really knowing how to say goodbye and so he continues in the conversation they already ended almost ten minutes ago.

"A little bit," Mary tells him.

"Yeah, I knew you couldn't stay away." Sam smiles. But then the radio turns on and the static starts crackling and Dean knows that his time is over. And he hasn't even said goodbye yet. "It's time." Sam turns to him.

Dean doesn't say anything. He just slowly looks at Cas' hand again and then at his face and he isn't smiling anymore. Castiel frowns at him and in that moment, Dean regrets everything he didn't do in the past half an hour in the car. Because Cas has been sitting there, right next to him, the entire time and Dean didn't do _anything._ All he needed to do was move his hand a little bit to the left and put it over Castiel's hand that was right next to him. That would be evertything he needed. Just one last... touch.

But it's too late now. Dean looks down and away, quietly waiting until the car stops moving.

"What's happening?" Mary asks once they're all out of the car. Both she and Cas surely realized there's something they don't know and they demand answers. But before Dean can answer, Billie already answers for him.

"Yeah, Dean." And she's just standing there, pleased to finally see one Winchester go for good. "'Sup?"

And Dean and Sam are both still so silent.

"Billie?" Mary asks.

"The reaper?" Castiel adds, frowning as well. It pains Dean to see this. Neither of them know yet, but they're beginning to suspect something and soon the knowledge will break their hearts. Or maybe it won't. He's never been the best Winchester after all, which is why he's going with Billie and not Sam.

.

.

.

"Mom!"

"Don't!"

"I love you." Mary says with tears in eyes, clutching the gun in her trembling fingers against her temple. Dean can't believe it's happening. He can't watch his mom die, not again, he can't-

An angel blade pierces through Billie's chest and she starts glowing, making Dean close his eyes. When he opens them again, she's on he ground and Castiel's standing over her, looking terrified for a second and then just exhausted and sad.

"Cas, what have you done?" Dean asks, standing up.

"What had to be done." Cas answers. And then he looks at him with tears in eyes and Dean can see it, how broken and exhausted Castiel is. He can almost feel it, and he doesn't dare to speak because he knows Castiel hasn't finished yet. "You know this world, this sad doomed little world, it needs you." And God, his voice is shaking. "It need every last Winchester it can get and I will not let you die. I won't let _any_ of you die." He shakes his head. "And I won't let you sacrifice yourself. _You mean too much to me_." He stops looking at Mary in that moment and looks back at Dean, and Dean knows exactly what he means. But then Castiel looks back at Mary and adds, "to everything. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a _stupid_ deal, and I broke it... you're welcome."

They stand there in utter silence, until eventually Mary turns around and looks at Dean. And before Dean can react, he knows she can see every emotion perfectly on his face – shock, sorrow, wishfulness, the need to pull Cas closer and hold him in his arms until they're back in the bunker.

But then she turns back and says, "thank you, Castiel."

"Yeah, thanks." Sam nods and follows his mom back into the car.

Only Dean hasn't said anything and he's still standing there, looking into Castiel's eyes who's looking back at him. Their eyes lock and Dean can't look away, he just can't. Because now there's Castiel, the angel he fell in love with and never had the courage to tell him, his brave and handsome angel, and he's looking into his eyes and Dean can't stop thinking about what consequences on cosmic scale he'll have to face.

Eventually, Cas stops frowning and looks down.

"Cas," Dean finally mumbles and moves forward, hesitantly stopping in front of his angel. "Thanks." He says. "Thanks for everything, you're right." He adds then. "It was a stupid deal, and we should have thought of a different way to-"

"You could have prayed to me, Dean." Cas says, and in that moment, Dean understands. Not only has he been silent for 6 weeks, he even contacted Billie instead of Castiel and never told him they were alive. And there was no excuse for that.

Cas is still looking at the ground, but when he finally looks up, the tears in his eyes are threatening to fall. "6 weeks and 2 days. Only one word, Dean. One word. That was all I would have needed." He tells him. "One word to let me know you were alive."

And there's nothing Dean can think of saying than a simple, "I'm sorry." Because he really should have just told Cas they were alive. He shouldn't have just... _kept_ thinking about whether Cas would even hear his prayer when he knew Cas's wings were damaged and he didn't have all his powers back, he should have just tried and never give up.

"I'm sorry," Dean repeats.

"I didn't even know if you were alive." Cas tells him. "I didn't know where to find you or _how_ to find you, all I had was Mary, who didn't know anything either. Crowley didn't care if you were gone or alive, and I didn't know, I just... Dean, _I didn't know_."

The tears in Cas' eyes finally spill and Dean wraps his arms around him, giving them both the hug they deserve instead of the short one after they found each other in the forest. He doesn't even care that they're standing in front of his mom's car and that both his mom and Sam are sitting in the front, probably seeing everything he's doing. He just doesn't care anymore. He hurt Cas by sending him away with that girl, he hurt him again by not praying to him and instead reaching out to Billie and he didn't give him the reunion he deserved after they met again.

He knows that if he had prayed to Cas, he would have had to call Billie anyway because even if Cas had heard him, he would have never heard Cas' reply. But that doesn't matter because all he can think about now are Cas' fingers clutching the back of his prisoner uniform and his own fingers tangled in Cas' short hair and Cas' cheek pressed against his neck and the fact that he closed his eyes and doesn't want to open them again.

"I'm sorry." He tells him again.

And Cas nods, just barely, but he does. Dean can feel it. And then Cas pulls away, glancing behind him at the car. "We should probably go," he tells him. Then he sighes and heads back into the car, Dean slowly following him and getting inside from the other side of the car. They both close the door and yet again, there's silence in the car.

"You both okay?" Sam eventually asks, clearing his throat.

And both Dean and Cas answer at the same time, replying with "Yes," and "Yeah". Then Mary starts the car again and they continue on their way home. But this time, Dean changes something. He looks over at Cas, still feeling guilty because of how stupid he was, but in hopes that his angel would forgive him, he carefully moves his hand closer to Castiel.

Cas registers the movement immediately, looking down at Dean's hand and making him blush, which Dean hates, so he looks out of the window instead, waiting for any reaction with his eyes closed.

And then he feels Cas' fingers slowly wrapping around his hand, moving his thumb up and down on the back of Dean's palm. And Dean smiles, finally looking at his angel and waiting for him to smile as well. When he does, he hesitantly entwines their fingers and squeezes.

He looks up and sees Mary eyeing him in the mirror with a little smile on her face. And he's never been happier because they're all here, safe. His family.

Now all he needs is for Sam to turn the radio on to make the ride less silent and awkward so they can be home as soon so possible because... well, because he needs the privacy of his room to show Cas properly how he really feels and how sorry he is.

xoXÖXox

Mary parks the car in the bunker and gets out, closing the door and smiling at her boys. Sam and Dean. Then she looks at Castiel, who's still holding hands with her eldest son and her smile widens. They are all her boys. All three of them. The Winchesters and their angel.

"Mom?" Dean asks when he turns around and notices she hasn't moved away from the car. She looks at him and their eyes lock and she knows what he wants to hear, what he needs to hear. She could see that in his expression right after what Castiel said after he killed Billie. Dean needs Castiel, and right now, he needs his mom too. "Are you-"

"I'm staying." She finishes for him.

"Wait, like for real?" Sam asks her with his eyes wide with happiness.

And she nods. "Yes. For real." Then she walks over to them and lets Sam throw his big arm around her shoulders, with Dean's hand around her waist from the other side, and they enter the hall together, finally going home.

There was no one else who could take care of her boys after all, and make sure they don't make another stupid deal or get taken in the first place. So that's why she was staying with them. With her boys. Including Castiel.

* * *

 **Well, I hope you liked it :) Please let me know what you think, I haven't had time to read any coda fanfic for this episode yet so I hope I'm not copying anyone :D Oh, and I'm not sure if Cas has his wings or if he can hear prayers or anything, so if what I wrote is wrong, please let me know XD**


	8. 12x19 CODA - 1

**I haven't written a supernatural coda in such a long time that I don't even know if this is good or bad, but last episode made me feel things and I needed to write this, even though it doesn't really makes things better.**

 **Short summary: Two POVs. What happens shorty after Dean wakes up, and what happens after Cas and Kelly leave, and how the music connects it all. (So basically Dean is hurting and Cas can feel it.)**

 **SPN 12X19 THE FUTURE - CODA  
Heartbreaker**

* * *

"Don't-" Dean manages to say before Castiel's fingers touch his forehead and he goes down to the ground, unconscious, sleeping. Castiel looks down at his best friend, at his peaceful face, and then he looks at Sam. They're both just lying there, not knowing where Cas is about to go now.

But no one can know that. He's on his own now. It's only him and Kelly and the baby that Cas needs to take care of once his mother dies. The world will be a better place once the baby is born. It must be. He saw it in the vision of the future – he saw people, angels and demons, all happy and not making trouble, no wars. He saw himself together with Sam and Dean in the bunker, living like a family, with Mary visiting them. He felt warm and beautiful and by the time the vision ended he was so full of faith that even considering that what he was doing might not be right, was out of the question.

"I'm sorry." He says as he's looking down at his family. He's doing this for them after all. For the better world.

Kelly looks up at him and joins him as he starts walking back towards his truck, leaving Dean's impala there for the Winchesters.

He sits behind the wheel and with one last look at the limp bodies of his friends on the playground, he turns the key in the ignition and drives away.

xoXÖXox

" _Don't-" Dean manages to say with a pleading look in his eyes, but it's too late. Castiel's fingers touch his forehead and the world disappears in black nothingness, his body hitting the ground. And there is nothing he can do about it._

That's the last memory Dean has before he blacks out. And he keeps replaying that in his head over and over again until he eventually wakes up and is greeted by a cold wind in his face and silence. The feeling he has right after he wakes up is familiar, but it also feels like ancient history. He didn't think Cas would ever do this to him again.

He doesn't stand up, he doesn't even move. He just lies there, looking up at the sky and wondering if the angels can see him now. If they pity him for falling in love with an angel who just doesn't feel the same. Because if he does, he has a pretty painful way of showing it. He feels the hot tears in his eyes and he blinks, letting them wet his cheeks.

But he can't lie there forever. He sits up and rubs his eyes, feeling even worse when he sees that Cas' truck is gone. Of course it's gone. Of course he bailed on them again, and of course he left Dean here alone, only with Sam. Of course he'd do that to him. Everyone he loves always leaves him, so why should this be any different?

Dean closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath. He has a broken heart, and this time it hurts so much more than all the other times during his teenage years. He didn't think he could find true love then. He'd never used to believe in these sorts of things. Right until that moment he met Castiel and started believing in love at first sight.

With a groan, he stands up and walks over to Sam, slowly getting down on his knees and gently touching his shoulder.

"Hey, Sam." He says, shaking him until Sam eventually blinks and sits up, almost knocking Dean over. "Dude."

"Sorry." Sam apologizes and looks around, disoriented. Then he sees their car and no truck, and he notices the tears on Dean's cheeks. "He's... he's gone, isn't he?" He asks gently.

Dean doesn't like his tone. He doesn't need anyone to be gentle with him, he can deal with it. It's a story of his life after all, when someone he cares about leaves him. So he stands up and rolls his eyes, heading to his Baby.

"Of course he is." He tells Sam. "We should've kicked his feathered ass." He adds under his breath, not really meaning it, but wanting to mean it.

He opens the door and gets inside, squeezing the steering wheel, maybe a bit too tightly. And he knows that when Sam gets inside that he notices, but Dean doesn't really care and Sam doesn't say anything about it or about the tears.

Until they're already driving back to the bunker, and he does. "We'll find him." He tells him. "And we'll figure out what happened to him. He wasn't himself, I know you could tell. It looked like the baby controlled him somehow. He's more powerful than we thought." He pauses for a and then looks at Dean and Dean hates it. "But Cas will be alright. He always is."

Dean's silent for a while. Then he opens the glove compartment and grabs the first tape he finds, putting it into the tape deck in front of him. "Yeah." He finally answers, and then he lets the music play.

It's Led Zeppelin.

Of course it's Led Zeppelin. The same band that Dean chose to give Cas on a mix tape, knowing the angel wouldn't truly understand what it meant to give someone a gift like that. And instead of calming Dean down, he couldn't feel worse.

The tears in his eyes burn and he can't see the road in front of him. It gets to the point where he has to stop the car and close his eyes because the music is still playing and it's breaking his heart with every damn note. What did he do wrong? The last time they saw Cas, he told them he loved them. That they were his family. And then he just plays them, steals from them, ignores their messages and concerns and then runs away again? Just like that?

"Dean?" He hears Sam's worried voice, and it's too _worried_ , too _soft_. He can't bear it. He shouldn't be losing it like this, he should be strong and just roll with it. He's a Winchester, dammit. But that's the point – he can't just roll with it. He can't. Not anymore.

It's too much, and too long, and he misses that damn angel _so much_ that it hurts him and the fact that he betrayed them like that hurts him even more.

Dean is silent and he covers his face in his palms, taking deep breaths and just trying to not let this go any further. But then there's a hand on his shoulder and a sob escapes him and he's putting his hands down and turning to Sam with desperation in his eyes, swallowing and pleading, "Just... shut up and drive."

He gets out of the car and waits until Sam does the same. In the next moment, he's sitting next to his little brother, who grabs the steering wheel and starts driving them home. Dean picks something else to listen to – Metallica – and then he closes his eyes and lays his head against the window, not being able to think about anything else than Cas betraying them and putting his fingers to his forehead, over and over again.

xoXÖXox

"Where are you taking me?" Kelly asks Cas after a while, looking at him.

"I don't know." Cas answers. Kelly has a feeling that Castiel likes that answer way too much. "As far away from the Heaven Gate as possible. Then we'll decide what to do next."

"Alright." She nods and keeps looking out of the window, at the darkened trees.

The unbearable silence almost overwhelms Castiel. Despite his faith in a good future, he needs a distraction from what's happening because even though he's doing it mostly for Sam and Dean, he still left them lying there like rag dolls.

He reaches to the inside pocket of his trench coat, the one that is positioned right where his heart is, and he takes out the mix tape that Dean had made him.

 _It's a gift. You keep those._

Castiel recalls their earlier conversation and he puts the mix tape into the tape deck, happy that he has something of Deans to listen to. He knows Dean loves his music, and he can't wait to hear which songs Dean picked for Castiel.

As soon as the music starts playing though, Cas feels much worse than before. And after a while, he realizes it's not because of the song. He can feel Dean's longing. Dean is awake now and Cas can feel his longing, he can feel it so clearly. It's powerful and heartbreaking and Cas can't bear it.

But he has his mission. And Kelly counts on him. And the baby _must_ be born.

So he grits his teeth and plays the music louder, letting the tears escape his eyes and roll down his cheeks. There's nothing better he can do anyway.

* * *

 **Sorry for any grammar mistakes. I hope you liked it at least a bit :)**


	9. 12x19 CODA - 2

**I decided to continue the last chapter :)**

 **SPN 12X19 THE FUTURE - CODA 2**  
 **Listen**

* * *

It was just after midnight when they finally arrived at the bunker. Sam was more worried about his brother than he remembered ever before. Dean was silent the whole ride home, just staring out of the window at the darkened trees passing by. And every time Sam glanced at him, he could see fresh tears on his face. But Sam didn't say anything and let the music play, hoping that eventually Dean would be okay.

"Dean," Sam said as they parked inside the bunker, but Dean opened the door and without looking at him or saying anything, left the garage and headed for his room. Sam pursed his lips and let his hands drop from the steering wheel, looking after his brother.

Castiel had betrayed them before. But over the years, Dean's grown to care about him more and more and each time Cas bailed on them, it hurt more than before. Sam could see that. It was in every Dean's move, in his face when he zoned out, every time he kept looking at his phone, deciding whether he should call Cas or not.

Sam sighed and briefly closed his eyes, finally leaving the car and entering his room. He took a quick shower and then lay down in his bed, staring at his phone in his hand. With a heavy heart, he tried to call Cas. He was sure Dean already did that... or maybe he didn't and was just lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling and playing every event of the evening again in his head, trying to figure out what did he do wrong.

Castiel didn't answer and Sam put the phone away, closing his eyes. He didn't know if he could fall asleep because Cas' betrayal hurt him too. Cas was his good friend, his best friend he could say. But to Dean? He was much, much more and Sam couldn't even imagine how much was Dean suffering right now.

He didn't manage to fall asleep. There were too many thoughts in his mind, all racing and not leaving.

After another twenty minutes of pointless slow breathing and lying in bed, Sam finally stood up again and decided to go to the kitchen for something to eat. Then maybe he'd manage to fall asleep, and if he didn't, at least he'd do some research. He knew Dean would need a good case after what happened. But not until they tried everything to get Cas back.

As he was silently walking past Dean's door, a silent whimper stopped him. Sam paused and held his breath for a moment so he could hear what was happening. Was Dean crying again? Sam had to decide if Dean wanted him there or if he'd rather be alone. Sam was already kind of an expert in deciding which was which.

"Cas, please." Sam heard Dean whisper and he frowned. Was Dean praying? Usually Sam knew when Dean prayed because he always prayed out loud. And he knew Dean hadn't prayed to Cas in a long time, he wasn't even sure if the angel could still hear him. But after Lucifer Jr healed him... he seemed strong, so maybe he could?

"Please just pick up the phone. Or don't, just send a damn text okay?" Dean sighed and sniffled. Sam pursed his lips and closed his eyes. "I need to tell you something. So many things." Dean continued and Sam's eyes snapped open. If Dean was about to say what Sam thought he'd say, he should be alone for that. Sam didn't want to interrupt. But if he moved... there was a chance Dean would notice his presence and stop praying. And Sam couldn't let that happen, he knew his brother needed to finally say it, if not Cas in the face, then at least in a simple prayer.

"Every damn time you leave?" Dean took a deep breath. "It's hard not to see you here with us. And when you disappeared like that... I told you we were worried. But... I always keep hiding behind the _we_." Dean was silent for a few seconds and Sam closed his eyes again. "I know Sam's worried too, but what I should've said was that _I'm_ worried. Cas, I was worried that something happened to you. I'm not blaming you here for leaving, not anymore. We... _I_ just want you to come home. I need you here, you're a part of my family, the closest friend I've ever had. A brother..." Dean paused again. "Damn it, Cas. You're not a brother to me, you're more." He whispered.

Sam bowed his head. He thought he'd be smiling once he heard Dean finally say this. He was wrong.

"Cas, I... I love you." Dean whispered. "Please just say something, let me know you heard me. Don't leave me in the dark, not again."

Sam heard Dean get up, probably to get his phone, and then the phone landed on the bed. "What's gonna make you come home if not a fricking love confession?" He said with a little bit of anger in his voice. Then the talking stopped and all Sam could hear were sobs. He had never seen Dean so heartbroken.

He had to help him somehow. Even though Cas was acting weird and not like the Cas they knew at all (because how could he _not_ tell Dean he loved him back?) The only explanation was that he couldn't hear him, which made Sam angry at the universe. Dean finally gathered enough courage to tell Cas he loved him, and the angel couldn't even hear him.

With a silent sigh, Sam finally moved and quickly and silently continued to the kitchen, not thinking about the food, but immediately opening his laptop. They needed to find Cas so he and Dean could talk. God knew they needed to.

xoXÖXox

Dean kept staring at the phone as he was lying in his bed, reading Castiel's name over and over again. "I love you, you idiot." He prayed again, closing his eyes. But there was no text or a call, no answer at all. Dean wiped the tears away from his cheeks. Now he knew this wasn't the Cas he knew and loved. This was someone different, someone whose mind was being controlled.

It was like fucking Naomi, all over again.

And the last time, Dean was able to get through to Castiel because he admitted he _needed_ him. They both knew what it meant (well, at least he _did_ ), but they never talked about it again. One half of Dean was disappointed. The other half was relieved.

But that was over now. They needed to talk until their throats hurt, and he needed to get his angel back. But he'd already admitted his feelings. He told him he loved him.

What more could he do to make Castiel realize that he was not himself?

Dean closed his eyes and put his phone aside, not bothering to change clothes as he covered himself with the blanket. He knew he wouldn't get even a minute of sleep that night. But that only meant he had a whole night for thinking. Or praying.

Or both.

xoXÖXox

It was Kelly who told him he had to flip the mixtape over to listen to more songs. But they were already close to the nearest town, so Cas pulled the mixtape out and put it back into his pocket inside of his trenchcoat.

"Where are we going now?" Kelly asked. "And please don't say _I don't know."_

Cas smirked a little bit, but it was soon gone and he was frowning again. The mixtape made him think of Dean, and there was nothing that could stop the guilt from spreading throughout his heart. But there was also nothing that would persuade him to leave Kelly alone, he had a mission after all.

"We need to find somewhere to sleep." He sighed as he drove the car through the streets, randomly turning left and ride and looking out of the window to see if he could find anything.

"Do you have any money?" Kelly asked, nodding slightly.

Cas paused for a few seconds, thinking about it. "Yes." He answered at last.

"Okay," Kelly said and helped him, looking out of the window as well. But it was dark and after midnight and they couldn't find anything. No hotel or motel, not even a bar. In the end, they found themselves on the other side of the town, driving away from it.

"Seems we'll sleep in the car." Kelly pursed her lips and touched her stomach, closing her eyes.

Castiel glanced at her belly. "That would be uncomfortable." He told her. As if she didn't know that.

"No, Castiel. It's okay." She smiled and looked behind at the backseat. There was no backseat. "I... I can do it."

"Alright." Cas nodded. "I don't need sleep. I'll watch over you." The last sentence brought back some memories, but he closed his eyes briefly and pushed them away. He needed to focus. "I will lend you my coat." He added.

"Thanks." She smiled and hesitantly took his hand, squeezing it. They were just sitting there, and she was smiling up at him with a grateful expression and she wasn't letting go of his hand. Her eyes were still looking at him, and after a minute, Castiel felt uncomfortable.

Only Dean stared at him this long, that is, minus that hand holding.

"I'm happy that you changed your mind." She added and her eyes wandered down to his lips.

In that moment, Castiel understood. He let go of her hand and cocked his head a little. "Kelly, I'm sorry, but..."

"No, it's okay." Kelly chuckled and put her hand back on her stomach. "I'm human, you're an angel-"

"No, it's not that." Castiel hurriedly assured her because if that was a problem, he'd never be able to be with Dean. And he wanted to be with him one day. If Dean wanted that as well. And besides, they couldn't make a nephilim. "There's... someone." He mumbled and dared a glance at Kelly after a few seconds of silence.

"Oh," Kelly smiled. "Okay, then." She looked down at her stomach and then looked up at Castiel again. "Once I die and he's born..." she told him, "you'll take care of him, won't you?"

"I will." Castiel nodded. That was his mission after all. He had faith.

"Well, you don't have to take care of him alone." She smiled encouragingly. "So whoever it is for you, you can take care of him together." She nodded and took his hand again, this time only briefly.

Castiel paused for a moment, considering what she just said. He imagined himself with Dean and the little boy in his arms and Sam and Mary with them, his family, and a smile appeared on his face. Once the child was born, Dean would understand that he was not evil, and then he'd be willing to raise him together with Castiel. That would be a good future.

"Look at yourself," Kelly smiled. "All beamy."

Castiel looked down at her, flustered a bit and then he nodded. "Thank you." He told her.

"Just raise him right." She smiled. Then her smile turned into a yawn and Castiel quickly left the car, giving her his coat as a pillow on the driver's seat.

"Sleep well." He told her and closed the door.

The air was chilly outside as it played with his hair. He smiled slightly and rounded the car, seeing a river in front of him. Then he palpated the phone in his pocket and pulled it out, turning it over and over in his hands, deciding what to do.

He knew Sam and Dean could track him with it. And they didn't understand this mission he was on, they didn't understand that after such a long time, _finally_ he didn't feel lost. They would find him and try to talk him out of it or even worse. They'd take Kelly and try to rid her baby of his magnificent powers. And that couldn't happen.

With a heavy heart he walked closer to the river and looked at the phone one last time.

But before he could throw it into the river (and lose all his favorite pictures of Dean with it), he heard something that he hasn't heard in a very long time. He felt... someone reaching out for him, and it felt so familiar that he knew who it was the second it happened.

Dean was praying.

" _Cas? You there?_ " Dean started and Castiel put his phone into his lap and sat down on the grass. " _Listen, buddy... I hope you can hear me. I'm praying, and I wouldn't do that if I wasn't desperate, so please..._ please _try to understand me, okay?_ " Castiel swallowed as he heard that and looked back at his truck. Kelly was safely inside and no one was near her or the truck. He turned back to the river and closed his eyes so he could hear Dean better. He wished he could make _Dean_ understand.

" _I miss you. Please come back home, Cas, please._ " Dean paused for a moment and then he continued. " _Please just pick up the phone. Or don't, just send a damn text okay?_ " Cas looked down at the phone, but didn't turn it on. They couldn't find him, not until he knew the baby was safe with them there. " _I need to tell you something. So many things._ "

Castiel took a deep breath and tried to ignore the guilt he felt again. He shouldn't feel guilty at all, he was just doing whatever he could to right his wrongs. And this time, he knew he was right.

" _Every damn time you leave? It's hard not to see you here with us. And when you disappeared like that... I told you we were worried. But... I always keep hiding behind the_ we." Castiel frowned at that. " _I know Sam's worried too, but what I should've said was that_ I'm _worried. Cas, I was worried that something happened to you. I'm not blaming you here for leaving, not anymore. We..._ I _just want you to come home_. _I need you here, you're a part of my family, the closest friend I've ever had. A brother..._ "

Dean paused and Castiel felt tears in his eyes. They've been here before, Dean telling him he was like a brother to him. Was it possible that Dean didn't feel the same way? That all the longing Cas felt throughout the years was just Castiel's wishful thinking? Simply something he made up to not feel so bad about being in love with someone who considered him a _brother?_

" _Damn it, Cas. You're not a brother to me, you're more_." Dean suddenly whispered and Castiel's eyes snapped open. Full of tears, he tried to wipe them away, but he was crying. Crying because something he wished for for so long was happening and he wouldn't get to see Dean's face. He wouldn't get to kiss him. And he wouldn't get to see him again until he _understood_ , but both Cas and Sam knew Dean was stubborn.

" _Cas, I... I love you._ " Dean whispered. " _Please just say something, let me know you heard me. Don't leave me in the dark, not again._ "

With regret in his eyes, Cas looked down at his phone. He closed his eyes again and more tears rolled down his face as he clenched the phone in his hands. There was nothing he wished more than to tell Dean he felt the same. To tell him he's loved him ever since he saw his soul in hell. But there was something more important than Castiel, than Sam and even more than Dean. Something that had to be done, and Castiel couldn't do anything about it. It was just faith. He _knew_ he was right, and he had to take care of Kelly. Sam and Dean couldn't be there with him unless they _understood._

So he wiped his tears away again and opened his eyes, looking at the river in front of him. Then he stood up and after taking out the memory card, he threw the phone into the river, watching as it hit a rock and fell apart, the pieces carried away by the current.

" _What's gonna make you come home if not a fricking love confession?"_

Cas took a deep breath and with his heart broken, he went back to the truck. Kelly was already sleeping, sofly breathing in and out, the baby safe there with her. Castiel smiled and leaned against the hood of his truck.

" _I love you, you idiot."_

For now, this had to be enough for Castiel. Knowing that Dean loved him and that once Cas came back home after the mission was done, he would finally get to say it back. Because the future the baby showed him, was a good one. There was piece in the world, and they were happy. And once Cas saw that, he knew he couldn't just let it go.

So he looked at the river, the phone already gone and broken, and he bowed his head. Once this mission was over, Dean would know why he did it. But for now, Cas needed to carry on so he could finally come home with a win for Dean.

He loved him too, after all.

* * *

 **Hope you liked it! :)**


	10. 12x23 CODA - 1

**Hello! I know it's been long, but I'm here with a coda for the last episode. I guess it was basically everyone who wrote something to fix the mess that the episode was and I've read most of the codas, but this is what I think could happen too. Thanks for reading! :)**

 **SPN 12X23 ALL ALONG THE WATCHTOWER - CODA  
Lost**

* * *

It's cold.

And it's late.

 _He doesn't care._

Dean doesn't even know how long he's been sitting there. The sight of the pattern of Cas' wings burned into the sand is a memory he doesn't want to have. A memory he doesn't want to relive every night. But it's there. Permanently imprinted into his brain, not ever going away. Even if Cas comes back, it'll always be there, haunting Dean like a ghost.

The tears on his cheeks are cold, silently dripping on his jacket. He hears himself sobbing as if from a distance.

He feels _numb_.

When he reaches for Cas' hand, carefully letting his fingers brush against his, they're cold as well. He leans down and presses Cas' hand to his mouth, giving it a kiss while closing his eyes. Once he closes them, he feels like he can't ever open them again.

The reality feels like a dream. But he knows it's real. And then if he falls asleep tonight, his dreams will feel like the reality – too painful. Both are the same. And both suck. He just wants to escape this, this moment. But he _can't._

He's still kneeling next to Cas' body, praying for a miracle and holding his hand so tight that his knuckles turn white. Gently, he lays his head on Cas' chest. It makes him feel even worse.

Because _this_ , he could have had it. If he just had the guts to admit it and tell what needed to be told between them, if he held Cas' hand like this before it was too late... he'd get to do _this._ To lay his head on his angel's chest and stop caring about the world.

But now that he's lying there, Cas is all he can think about. Cas was his world. Still is.

And he doesn't know if he can live on without him.

"No! Jack! Please stop!" He hears his brother's voice and remembers that Sam left him alone. Of course he left. He wanted to leave Dean alone, give him a moment of privacy. He was an amazing brother.

But now because of him, Dean is forced to open his eyes again and face the reality. Face the world without his angel by his side, only with his brother and mo- oh. She's gone too.

"Jack!"

Dean raises his head and doesn't look down on Cas' face. He keeps his eyes shut until he knows for sure it'll be only Sam he'll see.

What he sees is his brother, running across the sand towards the lake, chasing the nephilim. But then suddenly a portal to another world opens again and the nephilim is gone. Sam stops abruptly and looks at Dean, who's still not standing up. He can't get his legs to work and he's not sure if there's a point anymore.

But the portal is open again.

xoXÖXox

"No!" Lucifer screams as Mary watches the portal disappear in front of her eyes. Her only way back home, to her boys, is gone forever and she's alone in an alternate reality with the Devil himself. A fallen angel, the Morning Star, who's killed one of her boys tonight and was planning to do more.

Mary slowly stands up as Lucifer's eyes fall on her and glow red. He's angry now. Before that he was just cocky, but now he's enraged and Mary is sure she will not survive this. But that is okay. She's saved her sons, hopefully saved the world and now it's her price to pay for being alive when she shouldn't have been.

The balance will be restored again.

"You." Lucifer's eyes are still red and he's slowly moving towards her. Her only weapon are the brass knuckles, but they won't do much against him. This is her end. The end of Mary Winchester.

She straightens up and smiles. "I saved them." She says. "And now there's no way for you back."

Lucifer isn't smiling. "Lucky for you, there's no way back for you either." He snarls.

Mary drops the knuckles to the ground and shrugs. "But unlike you... I don't care." It comes out as a hiss and for a brief moment she's proud of herself – she punched the devil and now is standing up to him. Something she never thought she'd do.

When Lucifer hears her response, he growls and raises his hands in her direction, his eyes glowing again. Then he suddenly smiles. "Oh, this will hurt, mommy. And you won't die unless I want you to."

A loud thunder right above them interrupts them both and they almost get blinded by white light. When Mary opens her eyes again, there are dozens of people all standing around her and around Lucifer. Before she can really take a look at them, they all turn to Lucifer and stop paying attention to her, as if they couldn't even see her, as if she was no one.

"What are you doing here, brother?" One of them says. "You are supposed to be in the cage."

Lucifer raises his eyebrows and looks around at all of them. They look strange, but even Mary figures out they're angels of this world. When Lucifer notices that too, he laughs. "Aw, look at that. Daddy's boys, all gathered to get rid of me." Then his smirk disappears and his eyes turn red again. "You won't succeed."

"We've succeeded before." An angel in a female vessel tells him and walks over to him.

Lucifer smirks and raises his hand. Then he snaps his fingers, expecting her to explode, but the angel continues walking as if nothing happened. Lucifer frowns and when he tries to kill her again with the same result, his eyes widen.

"No, no, no, how are you doing that?" He smiles. It's brief and Mary can see panic in it.

But it's too late. The angel grabs his arm and looks him in the eyes. "You're going back." Then she looks him up and down and tilts her head slightly with a frown on her face. When she seems to figure out whatever she thought was wrong, she raises her two fingers to his forehead. "No matter what universe you are from."

With that Lucifer's eyes roll back and he falls to the ground. Two angels go pick him up and when Mary blinks, they're all gone.

She blinks again and then again, frowning. Did she just witness what she witnessed? Did that really just happen? Is she really still alive, saved by the angels from an alternate reality? She sighs and rubs her eyes, trying to figure out when exactly did she sign up for this when other hunters seem to have much more normal lives than the Winchesters, whatever the word _normal_ in their community means. But what happened happened and now she's where she ended up, far away from her sons and from her home, with no way back, and with a really creepy alternate reality to face.

She picks up the brass knuckles again and looks around. The place looks _dead._

Just as she's about to walk to the nearest corpse and find out whether the person is still alive, there's a strange sound coming from behind her. Her eyes widen when she recognizes that sound. She quickly turns around and smiles when she sees the portal again.

Still gold and orange, still glowing.

Without any hesitation she runs towards it and touches it, appearing on the other side within seconds. And as soon as she's back, the portal disappears again.

The first thing she sees is Sam's surprised smile and then she is yet again, enveloped in his large arms, wondering how did he ever grow up to be this tall. But one pair of arms is missing, and she feels the absence with every second passing by.

"Mom, you're back." Sam sighs, finally letting her go.

"I am." She smiles up at him.

"Did you see Jack? Lucifer's son? He went through the portal right before you appeared here." Sam tells her, surprising her.

She shakes her head with a frown on her face. "No, as soon as I saw the portal, I ran back."

Sam nods and then his smile disappears as well. He looks down and swallows, moving out of her way so she can finally see what she couldn't before. It's her oldest son, kneeling next to a body, his fingers interlocked with the angel's. Her eyes widen when she finally realizes what happened. She couldn't think about it before, she only saw Lucifer and Sam with Dean. But now? She allows herself to see Castiel as well, lying on the ground, his body cold.

When Dean looks at her, he looks broken, shaken to the core. His face is wet and he keeps staring at her with wide eyes, as if not sure where to look and where he wants to look. When she takes a little step towards him and whispers his name, he blinks and his eyes wander around until they eventually settle on Cas again.

Mary can feel Sam's gentle hand on her shoulder and she glances at him. His lips are a tight line and his expression tells her everything she needs. Cas was family. He's been there for them when she wasn't, and now he was gone, his wings forever imprinted into the ground around him.

She silently approaches Dean and kneels down next to him, looking at Castiel's lifeless face. When she looks at Dean, his lips are trembling and his eyes aren't leaving the angel in front of them. With a hard swallow, Mary puts her hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezes. He doesn't hold her hand. He doesn't say a word. He just rubs his thumb over the back of Cas' palm, their fingers still interlocked, and he closes his eyes, bowing his head, his sobs shaking his whole body.

Mary didn't know Castiel much. But as soon as she saw her son embrace him the first time she met the angel, she knew he was there to stay. Castiel was family after all. A Winchester.

And seeing him there, lying on the ground, she knows she's lost one of her boys.

xoXÖXox

Dean refuses to burn the body. Sam knows he could have expected that, but it still hurts him to hear Dean's shaky voice tell him that there was no way they were doing that _now_. He knows that Dean needs time and when Mary eventually looked at Sam, still kneeling next to her oldest son, he shook his head and wiped his tears.

Eventually, Mary stood up and left Dean on the ground with the body. She went over to Sam and together they entered the house again, busying themselves with digging a grave for Kelly. They lowered her body into the hole in the ground while Dean grieved, his sobs quieting down.

But the grave was finished now and Kelly rested in peace.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" His mom asks and Sam shakes his head again.

"I don't know." He answers. His voice is quiet and full of sorrow. He just lost his best friend, almost his brother, and he doesn't even know if _he_ can be okay eventually. Maybe he'll feel better and get over it with time, but Dean? That will be much harder. And he's worried his brother won't ever be the same.

Mary nods and looks at Dean, who is slowly reaching for Castiel's body, lifting him up. When Sam notices that, he quickly hurries to help him, but it's no use. Dean doesn't want help and he manages to get Cas in the back of the Impala on his own.

"Dean?" Sam asks when he sees that his brother keeps Cas' head in his lap and is sitting in the backseat too. But Dean doesn't answer, only runs his fingers through Cas' hair and then he stops, knowing that both Sam and Mary can see him. He turns away and looks out of the opposite window.

Sam nods silently and gets to the driver's seat, waiting until Mary's sitting next to him. "We're going home." He tells her and she nods, glancing at her oldest son in the mirror whose eyes are closed and then tearing her gaze away, not being able to watch Castiel's dead body.

.

.

.

Dean doesn't talk.

He doesn't say a word the whole ride back to the partly destroyed bunker, and he keeps silent even after he drags Cas's body back to his own room.

But it's when he doesn't talk for two days when Sam starts getting really worried. Dean barely left his room – Sam knows he leaves his room at night to get more books and probably reads so much, trying to find out how to bring Cas back, that he doesn't even have time to leave his room during the day _or_ talk. But when Sam went to check on him, he saw that he put Cas' body in his bed and slept in his chair.

It's happened before. Once. When their mom died when they were still kids, Dean didn't talk for weeks.

Dean doesn't eat either.

When Mary brought him his favorite pie to his room, he barely touched it and didn't even look at his mother.

That's why it's such a surprise when Sam looks up and sees Dean slowly approaching him and Mary in the library.

They were talking about him and Castiel before they stopped and both looked up at Dean.

"How long have you known Castiel exactly?" Mary asked when they were still alone.

Sam looked up from his book on angel resurrection (and yes, he knew that he shouldn't play with witchcraft and that Dean's probably already gone through that book, but Dean was truly desperate and so far Sam only found out it was impossible unless done by an archangel or God anyway).

"Over eight years, I think." He told her.

After a moment of silence, Mary looked down and sighed. "I didn't get to know him much, but I miss him. He always seemed to be around here, with both of you. Watching over you."

Sam smiled at that, but that smile soon disappeared. "Yeah, Dean used to hate that. When he woke up and realized Cas has been watching over him the whole night." He looked up at Mary and nodded. "But that changed, obviously. He was like a brother to me, and..." He trailed off and looked down, wondering how to formulate what he wanted to say.

"And?" Mary asked.

"And... and to Dean, he was... he was much more." He answered finally and nodded, clearing his throat. He didn't know if Dean knew that Sam knew about his feelings, and he knew that Dean regretted not acting on them every second now because it was too late. He looked up at Mary again, only to find her nodding and looking even sadder than before. But her eyes told him she understood what he meant.

"I remember when I held John's dead body in my arms." She told him. "I thought I'd never be happy again, until..."

"Yeah," Sam pursed his lips, knowing well that uncovering these painful memories was... well, painful.

"Yeah." Marry nodded.

That was when Dean walked up to them and stopped right in front of the table.

He's still standing there, not looking at his family and Sam can see the pain in his brother's every breath. It makes him so sad to see him like this, especially when he knows that Dean and Cas never really got a chance to talk after Cas left.

Finally, Dean looks up and opens his mouth. Nothing comes out, but both Sam and Mary are patient. They know how hard this must be, especially when this time Cas died permanently, with an angel blade and his wings burned to the ground and everything. The book Sam's reading is thin and holds minimum of information gathered by the Men of Letters, and Dean's already read everything he needed to know that this was the end. And Rowena, maybe the only person who could help them, is dead too.

Dean clears his throat and closes his eyes briefly. Then he looks into Sam's eyes and nods a little. "We'll bury him behind the bunker in the forest." He tells them.

"Alright." Sam nods, glad that he hears his brother's voice. When he opens his mouth to say more though, Dean turns around and leaves, not saying anything else. Sam sighs and watches his brother disappear in the hall, on his way to his room.

This is way more painful than he thought it would be. Because if after two days all he got from Dean was one sentence, he can't imagine what state Dean would be in once Cas is buried.

When he looks back at the book in his hands, closes it and then looks up at Mary, he sees tears in her eyes. She's still watching the hall where she saw her son disappear into.

xoXÖXox

It's middle of the night and he's holding a shovel that Sam gave him. He hasn't started digging yet though because all he can do is watch Cas's face and try to memorize every little curve he sees, every tiny wrinkle.

He can't believe that in a few short moments – once he starts helping Sam and his mom, and he _will_ help with the digging – that Cas will be gone forever. Buried in the forest, six feet under.

Dean only wants to keep the trench coat.

He grips the handle of the shovel more tightly and turns away from the body, finally facing the hole in the ground. He's surprised when he sees it's almost finished. He doesn't even know how long he spent just watching Cas, waiting for any little sign of life in his features and even after two days finding none.

Dean gets down on his knees and helps Sam and his mom and he doesn't stop until it's ready, now only waiting for the body.

"It's ready," Sam states and Dean nods, looking up at the ground where Cas' body rests lifelessly.

After a moment of silence, he climbs up the hole and slowly kneels down next to Castiel. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes briefly because this is exactly what happened when Cas died. He knelt next to him and grieved, and now, two days later, _he's saying goodbye._

He lifts Cas' head and moves his arm under his shoulders, then he lifts his knees and stands up, keeping Cas in his arms. When he turns around, Sam and Mary are already looking at him, both miserable. Dean looks down at Cas' face that is resting against his shoulder and when even then the angel doesn't move, he walks over to the hole and hands Cas' body to Mary and Sam, who are still in the hole, waiting.

Dean stands up again and takes a deep breath, watching his brother and his mom lower the love of his life into the ground. There's no going back now. It's over. Maybe, some day he'll feel alright again, things will get back to normal. But then, for the first time he understands what is happening.

He watched the man he loves die.

 _And there is no normal after that._

Then, all of a sudden, a golden light almost blinds them and they hear a noise that they all recognize. It's the sound of another portal to the alternate reality opening, right there in front of them in the forest.

When the light disappears and they're all able to look at the crack, they almost stop breathing with anticipation of what is about to come. Is Lucifer coming back? Is it Bobby or someone else from the parallel universe?

It takes a few seconds before anything else happens. But eventually, it's Jack who walks through the portal and as soon as he's there, the crack disappears behind him and they're all in the darkness of the night again, only illuminated by the full moon.

Dean immediately takes out his gun and points it at the nephilim, while Sam and Mary don't move because they're still holding Cas. They can't even reach for their guns!

But Dean doesn't see that. All he sees is Jack, the nephilim, Lucifer's son, and also the reason Lucifer wanted to stay in this universe and therefore killed Cas. If it wasn't for Jack, Cas would still be alive.

"Hello." Jack says, not looking very evil, but not looking good either. Dean still points his gun at him and he's still angry. And that feeling won't go away easily.

"What do you want?" He asks.

Jack looks at him and then sighs. "I ran away from you Sam because I needed to see my father." The nephilim turns to the younger Winchester instead. "I needed to see him for who he was, but all I found was rage, and a world at the brink of destruction."

No one says a word, and Jack sighs again.

"That's why I-"

"I asked _what_ do you want?" Dean repeats his question, taking a little step forward and keeping his gun in the air.

Jack looks at him and then down at the hole in the ground. "I want my father back." He tells them.

"Well, bad news. You should have stayed where you were." Dean growls at him, yet again using his wit to hide his emotions. He's scared that Jack will attack and kill the rest of his family. He's Lucifer's son after all.

But all Jack does is that he shakes his head. "No." He answers. "Lucifer might be my real father, but all I could learn from him was hatred for humanity. And I can't hate something that I barely know. I..." He stops for a moment and then looks at Dean with such intensity that it almost makes Dean shiver. "I came for my chosen father. Castiel."

"No." Dean frowns. "No, don't you dare touch him! You hear me?"

"Dean." He hears Sam call his name. Dean doesn't care though and makes another step closer to the nephilim.

"Those weapons can't hurt me." Jack tells him and makes a few steps closer, stopping just a few feet in front of them. Dean knows Jack is right, but he fires anyway.

"I said don't you dare touch him." He repeats his warning, his voice breaking. Damn it, he didn't want to sound weak, but he really can't help it. The last he needs right now is some nephilim taking Cas away from him.

Jack tilts his head a little and purses his lips. "I can bring him back." He offers. "I need someone to teach me, Dean. And I've chosen Castiel even before I was born. I need to learn all about this world."

"You don't-"

"Dean!" Sam raises his voice again, this time making Dean look down at him. And he shouldn't have done that because looking at Sam makes him look at Castiel, who's still there, with his head in Sam's arms.

"What?" Dean snaps.

"Did you even listen to him?" His brother asks. "He can bring Cas back. Don't you want that?" When Dean doesn't say anything and only looks down, Sam continues. "And he just said that he wants to learn about this world. He doesn't want to destroy it, he wants to _learn_ , Dean."

"He's Lucifer's son, Sam!" Dean shakes his head. "He's-"

"I'm not here to harm you." Jack interrupts him. "I'm here for my father and teacher. Castiel."

Dean looks at Jack again and frowns. Is this a good idea? He's _desperate._ He wants, _needs_ , to have Castiel back and if this is the way... but is it the right thing to do?

"Is this really a good idea?" Mary breaks the silence between them.

Sam looks at her and then at Cas' body. "I think we'll find out once it's done." He shrugs.

Dean keeps looking at Jack, trying to find anything that would tell him that this is a good idea. Anything that would tell him that he isn't about to do the stupidest decision of his life because he's long forgotten that _what is dead should stay dead._ And he knows it's wrong to keep trying to save the people he loves, despite the possibility of another apocalypse. But here and now? Jack has the power to bring Cas back to him. Where are the consequences? If there are none, he has to take the chance.

Jack doesn't stop looking into his eyes either, until Dean slowly lowers his gun. He keeps it in his hand though and takes a step closer to the nephilim. He raises his finger at him and says, "one wrong move-"

"I know." Jack nods. And even though they both know that neither of the Winchesters has the power to even _endanger_ Jack, he's glad that the warning works.

Jack walks over to the hole, and Dean takes Cas' body back into his arms, slowly laying him on the soft forest ground. With his head in his lap and his family around him, he waits for the nephilim to do what he needs to. Jack raises his hand and lays it on Cas' forehead, closing his eyes. Golden light emerges from his palm and connects both Cas and Jack in almost white glow that gets so powerful that Dean has to shield his eyes. When he opens them again and puts his hand down, his lap is empty and the nephilim is nowhere to be seen.

Castiel is gone.

.

.

.

"No!"

* * *

 **I know, I know, I'm sorry for not fixing it like you probably expected I would, but I think that Cas and Dean should stay separated for a little while. If they get back right in 13x01, fine, but I think that would be too soon. Just think about it - the longer Dean's without Cas, the better their " _oh my god you're alive"_ hug will be :D**

 **Please tell me what you think and if you want me to continue this, thanks! :)**


	11. 12x23 CODA - 2

**Hi! So as I promised, here's the second chapter for my season finale coda. At the start of this chapter I was like _yes this is amazing I feel so great right now_ and when I was writing the end, I was like _meh this feels so OOC how am I even allowed to write fanfiction for this fandom?_ so I guess I'll let you decide :D**

 **Oh and let's just pretend that Jack isn't naked anymore and found some clothes, okay? (Because I totally forgot about that) :D**

 **Enjoy!**

 **SPN 12X23 ALL ALONG THE WATCHTOWER - CODA 2  
Found**

* * *

" _No!"_

It's the last thing he hears. Dean's voice. The last thing he'd ever want to hear if he ended up dead. But the pain in his chest is making him forget that, no matter how much he tries to cling to that thought. It's like it has its own sound too, and although he can't hear it, it's making Dean's voice quieter.

The white light is blinding, and he loses his sight of Sam and Dean with it. Funny. He'd want them to be the last thing he saw if he ended up dead too. He can feel something being _ripped_ _away_ from him. It's _burning away_.

His _wings._

His _grace._

That's when he realizes he really is _dead_. And there's nothing else. Only _darkness._ He doesn't hear a sound. But his mind is still there, with thoughts. Feelings.

 _Where do angels go when they die?_

He hears Dean's voice again. It's faint. Almost like a memory - it is a memory. A little bit of warmth in the cold darkness. And yet it makes his stomach tight with anxiety.

 _I'm not sure._

 _I mean, they don't go to heaven, obviously. Not to hell either, and purgatory is for monsters, so... where do you think they go?_

 _They?_

Oh right. He was human when Dean asked him this question. It didn't make it any easier to answer though.

Castiel can't hear Dean's voice anymore and he feels as if the darkness was swallowing him up. He keeps shrinking and he's smaller and smaller, occupying less and less space in the universe he loved so much.

 _Everywhere?_

He answers with a thought. It feels like his last thought before he completely vanishes. But he still can't help but wonder – where is he? He's never been here before and he'd died many times. And the pain is gone. There's _nothing_.

Not even molecules.

And then it occurs to him. He finally gets it. This is _it._ This is _death._ And it's permanent this time.

 _Goodbye Dean._

.

.

.

A little bit a warmth in the cold darkness. A little bit of light and hope in the endless nothingness. He can't even hear his thoughts anymore, but there's something... _tugging_ at him. Pulling him away from the peaceful emptiness.

And then there's pain again. His back hurts. His wings are gone and the grace he lost gets replaced by something that settles around his heart and doesn't leave. A _soul?_

He feels like he's drowning again, but this time there's something pushing him towards the surface so he can breathe. And his thoughts are back. What's happening? Is this where angels go when they die and swim through to the end of the darkness?

And then the little bit of light turns into something much brighter.

 _Hello?_

He hears a voice. It doesn't belong to Dean, or Sam, or Mary Winchester.

His body is aching and he realizes that he isn't floating anymore, he's lying on the ground. He groans and is surprised to hear his own voice.

"Castiel?"

Someone says again. Cas tries to move his hand and is pleased when it lands on his forehead. Under the cloak of his fingers, he dares to open his eyes for the first time. But the light is gone. And he removes his hand, taking in where he is and what's wrong with him. His body doesn't feel quite right.

He's lying on the forest ground and there are trees high above him. There's no sun. Where did the light come from then?

"Castiel? Are you back?" He hears the voice again and immediately follows it with his eyes. What he finds is a young man – almost still a boy – sitting on the ground next to him and looking at him with curious eyes.

"Yes." Cas answers, remembering the question he was asked. "I appear to be." He looks around and grunts again as he tries to sit up. The boy is there to help him and Castiel accepts that help, but he can't help but notice that he's lacking something.

He looks at the boy and... feels nothing. He doesn't know what time it is – something he's always been able to sense as an angel. His eyes widen. He's-

"You're human, Castiel." The boy tells him as if he was able to read his thoughts. Cas looks up at him and slowly stands up, towering over him. He looks around again, but there's no one else. He can see neither Sam nor Dean and it makes him worry.

Then it all comes back to him.

 _Lucifer._

He was the one who killed Cas, which means that he must have gotten back to this universe. Which means that while he was already dead, Sam, Dean and Mary had to face the devil again. He didn't help the situation at all when he thought he could handle the archangel himself and keep him where they wanted him to stay.

"Who are you?" Castiel growls.

It's worse every time he's brought back to life. And this time it seems, he's lost his grace for good.

"I'm Jack." The boy answers.

Castiel stops frowning and tilts his head slightly. "The nephilim." He says. He tries to feel his power, but... no, there's just _nothing._ "How did you- Where are-"

"My mother is dead and you're the only one I've got left." Jack tells him. "You promised to take care of me, remember?" He smiles slightly. "I want to learn about the world, Castiel. I want to know what it's like out there among humans."

"Where are Sam and Dean? And their mother?" Castiel asks instead and is surprised that Jack frowns.

"They tried to bury you." Jack says.

"I was dead."

"But I brought you back."

"So I could be your... teacher?" Castiel asks, narrowing his eyes.

"You're like a father to me." Jack answers with a smile, but it still doesn't answer his previous question - where are Sam and Dea- "Lucifer loathes humanity, Castiel. And I want to learn something before I can decide what I think about them."

"Where are they?" He repeats his question, ignoring what Jack just told him.

"Will you teach me?" Jack asks instead. "You promised you would."

"I know I did." Cas nods as he looks around again. But he still can't see his friends, his _family._ "And I will keep my promise."

Jack nods. And before Cas can ask again, he gives him his answer. "I left them in the forest near their home. They're not my teachers, you are."

"I need to go back to them, Jack." Cas tells him and tries to leave, but his legs betray him and he almost falls to the ground if it weren't for Jack, supporting him.

"You're weak, Castiel." He says. "And I don't want them to teach me, you've walked among people and you've learned much about them. I know that. You can be my teacher."

"But I-" Cas pants as he sits back on the ground and closes his eyes, leaning against a tree. "I need them." He breathes out. "They're my family."

"Dean shot me." Jack frowns as he steps closer to him and puts his hands on his hips.

It makes Castiel smile. "That does sound like him."

"If he wants to kill me, how can he teach me?" The nephilim asks another question, but suddenly, Castiel feels too tired to answer. He just opens his eyes and keeps breathing, but Jack is patient.

"Do you want to hurt them? Do you want to destroy the world?" Castiel asks him, feeling a little bit better again. Being a human is confusing.

"No." Jack simply answers. "I want to learn."

"They're good people, Jack. They can't even hurt you, so why not come back to them?"

That makes Jack pause. "Why can't we just leave? I'll make sure you don't starve and you can teach me." With that, Castiel sort of remembers he's human now and that it's real. Why isn't he bothered by that thought? Maybe being an angel with weak grace was harder than finally letting go and becoming human... Maybe being human is what will finally allow him to rest.

"I can't just leave them." Castiel closes his eyes again and sighs. When he opens his eyes again, he's staring at the starry night sky. It's beautiful.

When he notices that Jack is silent, he looks at him again. The nephilim is frowning and Castiel can feel that he's confused. And he's not surprised. Jack has just been born – and must have grown up fast, just like Amara – and doesn't understand what having a family means. He doesn't understand love. He doesn't know that Castiel needs to let his family know that he's alive and human. He doesn't know that they, most of all Dean, need him too.

"You love them."

It's a little surprising when Cas hears that, but unlike him (not anymore), Jack can read thoughts. And he understands Castiel's need to see his family again.

"Yes." Cas tells him, sitting up again. He's hungry and sleepy, and really wants to go _home_. He understands now that his home is with the Winchesters, so he adds, "I love all of them."

"No." Jack argues, coming closer to him. "Dean Winchester." He narrows his eyes. "You're in love with him."

Cas is quiet for a moment, but eventually he nods. There's no point in lying. "Yes."

"But he's human." Jack says, reminding Castiel that love shared between humans and angels is forbidden and that Jack is a brilliant example of that. But Dean and Cas would never be able to produce a nephilim anyway, so where's the problem with them being together?

"I'm human now too." Cas argues as he reaches behind and supports himself with his hand against the tree, slowly standing up again. If Jack isn't willing to take him back, he'll need to at least try to find his own way to the Winchesters.

"That's true." Jack nods. "I'm sorry, Castiel, but your grace is lost forever. I can't make you angel again."

For some weird reason, Cas smiles at that. "That's alright." He says as he takes Jack's hand again to stay upright. "Will you please take me back to them? I promise I'll talk to them so they won't try to kill you again."

Jack looks Castiel in his eyes and nods silently. "You're my teacher now, Castiel. And if that's what you wish, then I'll listen."

"Thank you." Cas answers.

Jack then takes a deep breath and in the next moment, Cas is flying across the forest.

xoXÖXox

 _The last he needs right now is some nephilim taking Cas away from him._

And of course that's exactly what happens. Call it the Winchesters' luck, the universe's fucked up mockery, call it what you will. But Dean can't take any of that shit anymore. He's done. Why can't just one thing go right for him? Doesn't he deserve that?

The empty feeling in his heart is eating him alive and it _hurts_. He keeps his hands where they are though because just a few seconds ago, that was where Cas' head lay. He's not there now. He's gone. Again.

"No," Dean repeats what he already yelled right after the glow disappeared. Right after his hope got torn apart by Lucifer's fucking kid. He allowed himself to believe for one second... and here are the consequences.

It's him on the ground, Cas gone, and an empty grave behind him.

"Dean," Sam whispers and he hears them getting out of the grave. "I'm sorry," He continues, but Dean doesn't care. "We'll find him, Jack wanted him to be alive so he's gotta be."

"Yeah," Dean whispers, but it sounds dead even to his ears.

Then the rage returns and he stands up abruptly. Why did he even allow that son of a bitch near Cas in the first place? Why did he-

Then the tears come. And before he knows it, he's grabbing the shovel and turning to his brother and his mom, who both look like crap. He's pretty sure he's worse.

He wipes his tears away and frowns. "This happened before." He tells them with a defeated shrug. "Cas being nowhere to be found, that's like every Friday night for us right? So what we do is that we go back to the bunker and go through the lore again and try to find whatever we can to bring him home."

Sam nods. "Yeah. Jack brought him back to life, that's got to leave a trace of some kind."

"It would." Mary agrees. "He's a nephilim."

"Right." Dean looks down and then turns away from them, not being able to look them in the eyes anymore. There's nothing to see anyway, it's all just _pain._

So they follow him as he marches through the forest, back to their bunker. He's silent and they are too. He doesn't feel like talking anyway, he's pretty sure that whatever would leave his mouth would either be sobbing or endless curses, trying to get the nephilim to notice. But that doesn't really sound like a plan, so he keeps quiet and tries to keep his mind from freaking out that he might not ever see Cas again.

.

.

.

It feels like hours. He's still walking through the forest and he's still watching the ground moving under him as he keeps going forward, but it's only been a few minutes. The bunker isn't far away though so soon they'll-

"Dean!"

He halts so fast that he almost falls over.

That voice... Is it really him?

His fingers and lips tremble as he looks up, but what he sees is worth everything in the world. Cas is standing there, in front of him and alone, keeping a hand on a tree to support himself. And he looks just like he always did. Striped blue tie, trench coat, blue eyes and dark hair sticking out in every direction.

And God, how much Dean loves to hear that voice again.

"Cas!" He yells, almost tripping over the shovel that must have fallen out of his hands as he starts running.

He can see Cas smiling and feels a smile of his own, and it's the best feeling in the world.

"Dean." Cas reaches out his hand and Dean takes it without any hesitation, wrapping his other hand around Cas' shoulders and closing his eyes, burying his head in the crook of Cas' neck, breathing him in.

"You're alive." He whispers, his voice trembling as he feels Cas' hands on his back. As soon as his hand leaves the tree though, Cas can't keep himself up and they both collapse on the forest floor, still wrapped in a tight embrace.

"I am." Cas smiles. He moves his hands down to Dean's waist and Dean grins against his shoulder. It feels so great to hold Cas like this, without his head falling dead on his shoulder and his arms not moving.

"I can't believe you're back, Cas, you have no idea, _no idea_ -" He stops himself and opens his eyes that are filled with tears, patting Cas' back and pulling away slightly so he can see Cas' tired eyes. "I thought I'd lost you."

"I know." Cas smiles. It's a sad smile though and Dean wishes he could do anything to make it disappear. "I'm human now though." Cas explains and before Dean can say anything else, Cas continues. "But I don't mind. I... missed PB&J."

That makes Dean laugh. He didn't think he'd ever laugh again.

"Cas!" He hears his brother behind him, followed by his mom. He lets Cas go and turns to look at them. They're both grinning and he's happy to see them like that. But Cas is still weak and Dean keeps his arm around his shoulders as he helps him get up.

"Hello Sam." Cas smiles and nods. "Mary."

"It's great to see you back, man." Sam smiles at him, rushing in to give him a quick hug before Dean drags Cas home. He obviously needs sleep. And some food.

"I'm glad you're back too." Mary smiles at him. Castiel nods again with a smile and looks at Dean, who's been staring at him the whole time. He knows he probably shouldn't, but he just can't help it. Cas is there with him, with his arm around Dean's shoulders and he's coming home with him. This time for good.

"Let's get you home." Dean smiles at him and beams when Cas smiles in return.

xoXÖXox

Castiel can't help but melt into Dean's side as the hunter takes his first steps towards the bunker. He knows there's Jack to talk about and he knows he should mention it, but when he closes his eyes and lets his head fall on Dean's shoulder, it's like everything else in the world stops existing. It's always been like that, but he's never really had the privilege to be this close to Dean for this long.

His hand is around Dean's shoulders and he can feel his fingers touching Dean's hand. It's like he's itching to touch him, but something is stopping him. He can't feel Dean's longing anymore because he's human, but before that, it was like a constant reminder that he was alive. Dean's longing has always been there, but it's gotten much stronger over the last few years. And now that he can't feel it, it feels like he's lost something. But Dean's still there and their hands are almost touching and he wonders if he should take the next step. If that's what's Dean been waiting for.

He tentatively stretches his fingers and lets them bump into Dean's. He can feel Dean's shoulders tense, but he doesn't drop his arm or do anything when Cas completes the move and joins their hands. Dean keeps walking and Cas can see a little smile playing at his lips. Then the hunter looks down at their hands and he turns his head to look at the former angel.

There's a question in Cas' eyes. Or at least he hopes there is. And with Dean's smile getting winder, he hopes the answer is _yes._

But there's still something they need to talk about, something that feels like an end to this closeness and smiles and tight hand holding. He doesn't want to stop that, he wants to get as close to Dean as possible and close his eyes and sleep. He hasn't done that in a very long time. He wonders if he'll have dreams...

"Dean," he mumbles before he can change his mind. He knows Jack is behind them and that they need to talk about him. _Now._

Dean's smile immediately disappears when he sees Cas' worried eyes. He stops walking, but lets Sam and Mary continue in their way. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"We need to talk." Castiel tells him and can feel how tense Dean is again. But this is not about what he thinks it is, this is something that might make Dean angry and he doesn't want to see him like that. But he has to. "It's about the nephilim."

Dean frowns and keeps looking into Cas' eyes. "What about him?" He asks, suddenly looking around. Cas hopes Jack doesn't come out yet, but in the moment he thinks that, Jack appears nearby and Dean holds Cas tighter.

"It's okay, Dean." Cas tries to reassure him. "He brought me back."

"I know." Dean doesn't look at Cas, he keeps staring at Jack and he reaches for his gun with the hand that's not holding Cas up. "And then he ran away with you." He adds.

"And you shot me." Jack says, for which Cas frowns at him. "I'm sorry." Jack offers then, but Cas knows Dean won't accept that. Not until Jack proves himself somehow.

"He's not evil." Cas sighs as he looks at Jack. "Dean," he waits until Dean looks at him and then continues. "I want to teach him about the world, just like you taught me." He says. "He doesn't have anyone."

"So you're telling me you trust him? You believe in him and all that crap from before?"

"Dean." Cas lowers his voice a little, squeezing Dean's shoulder. "He chose me." He simply says.

"And what, is that supposed to make it all okay? Is that supposed to give him a pass to the bunker and to our lives?" Dean asks.

"I see you're not ready to talk about me." Jack takes a step closer, which makes Dean's hold on Cas even tighter. Sam and Mary notice that they left them behind and are now walking back to them, noticing Jack is there too, and Cas knows now that it wasn't the brightest idea to mention the nephilim right now. He was getting more tired and this conversation was exhausting.

"Jack?" Mary asks as she finally gets close enough together with Sam.

"I'll return in the morning." Jack ignores them and disappears, making Cas let out a breath of relief. He knew he wouldn't avoid the conversation, but he's already started this and now Dean's grumpy.

"What was that about?" Sam asks, but Dean just shakes his head.

"Jack still wants Cas as a teacher." Dean answers eventually. "And Cas agrees."

"He needs to learn about the world somehow." Cas clarifies. Then he turns to Dean again. "He doesn't have to live in the bunker, I'm not asking you for that. What I'm asking is for you to give him a chance. He's just been born and doesn't have anyone, so I consider it a wise decision to give him the knowledge he wants instead of letting him get it from the wrong sources."

"You mean hell?" Mary asks. "Crowley is dead and Lucifer was... well, he ruled hell, right?" When Sam nods, she continues. "Jack might try to take over the throne in hell then."

"That wouldn't be great." Dean mumbles.

"Do you see my point now?" Castiel asks, but it comes out as a half-yawn, which surprises him. "I... apologize."

"Don't." Dean takes his hand in his again and his other hand wraps around his waist. That makes Cas smile despite their audience. "You need sleep, sunshine." Dean says, which earns him another smile from Cas and raised eyebrows and glances from the rest of the family.

"So... " Sam clears his throat. "Jack?"

Cas looks at him, embarrassed a little. "I'll teach him. He asked me to."

Sam nods. "Great, so that's settled. Dean?" He asks, looking at his older brother and searching for a sign of approval or rejection.

"Alright." Dean sighs. "The kid did bring you back. But let's just take it easy and be careful, okay?"

"Sounds reasonable to me." Mary smiles.

"Let's go home then." Sam repeats and they start walking again.

Cas slowly lays his head back on Dean's shoulder, testing if he's still allowed to do that even after the conversation they just had. Dean glances down at him and gives him a smile, which makes Cas' heart swell with happiness. He thinks, that if he's still dead and this is in fact, where angels go after they die... he'd be happy.

But hearing his and Dean's hearts beating in sync proves that this is real.

.

.

.

When they get back to the bunker, there isn't much to do. Sam was carrying both his and Dean's shovels and right after they get home, he goes to return them to wherever he found them, together with Mary. And after hearing their goodnights from the hall, Cas realizes that this is the moment he's been waiting for - he can finally rest now. The bunker is closed and quiet, and all his family is inside, safe and sound.

Dean leads him to Cas' room and stops in the doors, looking inside. "You know... I came here to look for you after you came back. We've found something, but when I came here... you were gone."

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas says. He did it to protect him, to protect all of them. But Dean was right. That was not his job. He should have told them because as Dean said, they're just better together. Team Free Will.

"I'm glad you're back here." Dean nods, smiles at him and pulls away slightly, letting his arm drop from Cas' waist. He turns to him and then looks at the room, smiling. "Yeah, there's no place like home, right?"

"Actually," Cas bites his lip slightly and then looks up at Dean, whose eyes are already boring into his, asking what's wrong "If it's not a problem..." Cas continues, telling himself that this is now or never. If the hand holding and smiles earlier meant something, then it was that it's the right time to finally do this. "I'd like to spend the night in your room." He almost stutters as he manages to get the words out.

This is the moment that Cas misses not being an angel anymore the most. He knows he promised Dean to not ever read his thoughts again, but he'd give anything to know what Dean's thinking right now.

"Okay, sure." Dean smiles slightly and clears his throat, slowly putting his arm around Cas' waist again and turning around, leading him back to his own room.

Cas knows Dean's bed is big enough for both of them. He used to lie there when Sam and Dean disappeared for weeks and they couldn't find them. He used to close his eyes with his head on Dean's pillow, trying to imagine that Dean was lying there next to him.

He didn't think that it could actually happen one day. And that that day was today.

"Welcome to my room," Dean announces as they enter the dark empty room and doesn't even bother to turn the lights on. They're both exhausted and they both need rest, so Cas is sure nothing will happen between them tonight, certainly nothing which would require more energy than he currently has. But it's nice to know that he'll get to spend a night beside Dean Winchester.

"I know your room, Dean." Cas points out and he's pretty sure Dean is rolling his eyes.

"I know." He hears him say as Dean closes the door. He slowly leads him to the bed and sits him down.

"Well, I've got to change, so..."

"Don't worry, I'm not an angel anymore, I can't see anything." Cas assures him. He's not sure, but he thinks it's a smile that he sees on Dean's face.

"That's not what I meant." Dean says and from his tone he knows Dean really is smiling. "I wanted to ask if you needed clothes or if you were fine sleeping in that dirty trench coat and tie. I mean, that can't be comfortable, right?"

"Oh," Cas looks down at his trench coat and frowns. He can't see anything. "Do you have... anything that would fit?"

"Cas, buddy, that's like everything in here." Dean chuckles. "Let me see." He walks over to the bedside table and turns on the lamp so they're not in a completely dark room and then he moves to his closet, while Cas keeps sitting on the bed and only turns towards him. "Yeah, you can have this." Dean pulls out an old AC/DC t-shirt and holds it out in front of Cas so he can see it. "Like it?"

"It will be much more comfortable than my shirt." He smiles and slowly stands up. Before he can do that though, Dean rushes over to him and gives him the t-shirt himself.

"Careful," Dean comments when he sees Cas needs to sit down again. He really doesn't know how he managed to stand up right after Jack brought him back. He's lucky he manged to get back to the bunker with Dean, Sam and Mary.

"Thank you." Cas accepts the t-shirt.

"Don't mention it." Dean replies and goes back to the closet, finding his sleeping shirt.

They change in silence and as Cas notices, Dean decides to sleep only in his boxers. He doesn't think Dean owns anything besides jeans, so he assumes they'll both sleep without them. He removes his trousers and stays only in his underwear then, leaving the trench coat and the rest of his clothes on the bedside table.

When Dean looks over at him and sees that he's done, he closes the closet and pulls back the covers, turning off the light. They both slip under the blanket and fall into an awkward silence. "You good?" Dean asks when he turns towards Cas. Cas is looking at Dean's dark face and moves to his side, getting comfortable.

"Yes." He yawns again and hears Dean chuckle.

"Alright, enough talking, you need sleep." Dean tells him as he moves a tiny bit closer. Cas can feel the heat radiating from his skin and he's sure that if he moves his leg just right- yes, their legs are touching under the blanket.

"I don't want to talk." Cas mumbles. It's all good signs, right? The hug, the trip back to the bunker, the fact that they're both half naked under the covers, _in the same bed_. Dean doesn't move his leg away and Cas has enough knowledge from Metatron to know what this all means. He's always knows what it all meant. "I just want to do something I should have done long ago."

He moves closer and carefully reaches his hand for Dean's... he finds it under the blanket and when he looks back up, Dean's eyes are sparkling like diamonds. He's never been more beautiful than he is right now.

 _You're in love with him_. Jack told him. And he was right. This is the proof.

"Is this okay?" Cas asks and he isn't even sure when did his talking turn to whispering, but Dean doesn't seem to mind when he nods.

"Just shut up and kiss me."

When Cas hears Dean's response, he can't help but grin. Dean leans closer to him and Cas meets him in the middle with his lips on Dean's, making sure that their first kiss is as long as it can be. It has everything. Soft lips against lips, tiny moans when Cas lets Dean open his mouth and hands, _oh the hands_. They're like a second blanket, all over Cas - his shoulder, then neck and cheek and then on his waist and shoulders again. He doesn't even know where his hands are, but he's pretty sure one of them is tangled in Dean's hair.

When they part again, Cas feels both like the kiss exhausted him and like he's got more energy than before. It's a strange feeling, but when Dean leans in for a second kiss and Cas yawns in the middle of it, he knows that sleep is what he needs more right now.

Dean is laughing next to him. "Okay, angel-"

"I'm not an angel anymore, Dean." Cas reminds him in case he forgot.

"I know." Dean smiles. "Okay, no more talking now. Let's just sleep, what do you say?"

"We weren't talking though." Cas smirks and lays his arm over Dean's waist, burying his head in Dean's neck and chest.

"We can continue that tomorrow." Dean offers, kissing Cas' hair.

"I'd like that." Cas answers as he closes his eyes.

"Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

With that, they both smile and yawn, the sound of each other's heartbeat lulling them to sleep. And there's nothing better in the world than falling asleep next to the love of your life after your first kiss. For the first time in a while, he feels _content._

 _Are angels capable of falling in love, Cas?_

He hears Dean's voice from his memories. He smiles as he remembers that moment.

 _Yes. Some of them are._

* * *

 **I hope I managed to fix it and that you liked at least the ending! (And I'm sorry if I made it even more painful at the beginning!) Thanks for reading and as always, please let me know what you think, thanks! :)**

 **This is the last fanfic in this series though, so see you in a few months in another coda series for season 13! :D**


End file.
